Happy Endings

#Chapter 4

     Even though Jessie Carter wasn't able to leave a very good first impression on me and l wasn't wishing to get to know him more, he has unavoidably became my so-called friend now. l see him everyday. lt's not like l have an option, but it's also not like l look forward for it too.  My friends like him. l won't say that he's not likable,but l honestly find him a little annoying. He talks too much. He thinks that he's funny, even though he's not. He has to tell everyone when he makes a joke that what he said is supposed to be funny. l don't understand why people encourage him by faking a laugh. But that's not the problem. The problem is, when l don't laugh or even fake a smile at his not-so-funny jokes, my friends try to force me to laugh. And that makes me angry. Jessie Carter does everything he can to keep me from getting angry by telling more supposed to be funny jokes which angers me even more. l take it out on him sometimes, which l know l shouldn't, but l can't help it. He doesn't like it when l yell at him.

     'Please don't yell. l don't like it.' he usually says, calm at first.

     'You think l'll stop doing something 'cause you don't like it?' l don't like when someone tells me to not to do something because they don't like it.

     'l can yell too, Sawyer, but l won't because l'm a well balanced human being.'  well, that's his favourite thing to say. If he's a well balanced human being then what does he think l am? A psychotic bitch?

     'Then what do you think l am, huh?'

     'To tell the truth, l think that you're acting exactly like a psychotic bitch right now.' Well, well. Here we go.  

     That's the time when someone uasually interrupts our fight, which neither of us likes. But they make us stop fighting anyway.

     Sometimes l think that it's genetic. l see dad doing this all the time. Getting angry for no real reason and taking it out on someone else. Maybe it's not really my fault. But l don't want to be like that. l don't like being like that.  l know how bad does it feel as l've been the main victim of dad's anger all these years. And if it's not my fault that l'm like this, then who's fault is it? Jessie's? Of course, it's not. l feel that l should say sorry to him all the time, but l can't. lt's my weakness. l just can't say sorry to anyone, no matter how bad l feel. 

     The more l think about it, the more angry l get at myself for fighting with Jessie Carter. l know he can be very annoying sometimes, but l shouldn't yell at him no matter what. l don't want to be like dad.

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     Today's a bad hair day for me. Dad had one his mood swings and yelled at me for sitting on his chair at the dinning table. What actually happened was, l was sitting on my usual seat and he appeared from nowhere and told me to get up because the chair l was sitting on was originally his.  Seriously? How can you tell the difference between two identical chairs? And what difference does it make if you sit on a different chair? He just wanted a reason to yell at someone.

     Mandy has her twelveth date with that Jake guy today. She thinks that he's finally going to ask her to be his girlfriend. Great. This is happening faster that l thought. She was very happy when she told me this, but it only made my mood worse. 

     Reharsals don't go very well. Matt, the beast, has caught cold. He is sneezing after every five words. Hilary tells him to take rest for the day and l have to play his part which l'm not really happy to do. l  have an urge to puke when l see Mandy saying something very romantic, looking straight into my eyes. 

     'Please Ralph...take me with you. You know l'm ready to leave my family for you.' Mandy says in deep, sad voice. Shit! Do l have to do this?