sehnsucht ✓

chapter 16

On the bright side, the view instilled towards Noelle had maintained. People couldn't have been giving her dirtier looks in the hall for the nasty and creepy performance she made for herself.

It was the middle of the month, and Thanksgiving was coming up, but my plans with Mark's family were unfortunately cancelled, due to unforeseen circumstances that have dominated and plagued my thoughts for the past few days.

I sat laying down on Yasmin's couch after school, sulking and depressed. On my stomach was a tub of Haagen Dazs, a spoon pierced through the solid, creamy goodness, ready to make a mess of my sweatshirt.

Speaking of, I still had Mark's hoodie I took from him.

I wonder if he was going to ask for it back. It might've been creepy, but it was a token of the memories I had made with him in the short amount of time we were friends, meaning it held sentimental value to me.

I felt groggy, wiping my eyes, swollen from tearing up over something so stupid.

It was irrational, and I wasn't thinking straight.

I found it ironic that I was sitting here, crying with my friends again after not so long from the last instance.

I wondered if I was being too needy of a friend.

They were the best.

The difference this time, though, is that unlike with my mom's departure to Thailand, the leveling of my sulking exceeded lifetime maximums. Also, I was completely quiet, my friends only giving me apologetic and worried glances.

"Are you okay?" Gia shrugs.

"Chinese takeout?" Yasmin suggests hesitantly, seeming as it had worked last time.

"No. This is a new low for me," I mutter out softly, sniffling.

Every inch of my being is screaming. I feel the weight of withdrawal from the missing presence of Mark.

Not that he was gone physically, but gone from me.

I felt pathetic.

Things were messed up, and I knew it was okay for him to be mad at me. He had every right to be, given the situation he had walked in on.

It broke him.

I couldn't better justify my actions in comparison to his. There was no easy way out of this, even if I thought about it long or hrad.

The decision was Mark's to make, but he could do better off without someone like me.

He had placed so much trust in me when I had been the one to doubt his eventual loyalty, yet it was an ironic turn of the cards.

It was a complete surprise that I'd be the one to break his heart. Me, of all people could have that effect on him.

It had nothing to do with the fact that there was nothing between the one sided relationship that me and Grant had, which shifted sides, in another shocking turn of events, because really, it was non existent.

The issue was more attuned to the fact that we were waiting for each other, so close to tying the steal which bonded us together as an item.

Of course I had to ruin everything through crashing a car into the delicate walls of that trust, the foundation collapsing.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, girl."

I feel Ingrid pick up the tub of ice cream from my stomach and lay by my side, gently rubbing my shoulder for comfort.

Then she hugs me, and I put my arms around her waist, accepting the hug.

"I want to join, too," Jade says with excitement, piling up on top of us.