chasing eunice ♡ wen junhui

chasing eunice ; chapter seven - temporary fix

Hanggang ngayong gabi, hindi pa rin ako mapakali dahil sa performance namin sa Serenity Music Awards. Nasa practice room ako ngayon at nag-eensayo, thinking that something was wrong with me. Baka mamaya ay pumapalya na pala ang skills ko, kaya naman I couldn't do better.

It was a week after the performance, pero hindi pa rin kami magkakaayos nina Talia. Lahat kami ay didiretso lang sa kanya kanyang kwarto, or Charlene and Marione won't even come home so it would feel more lonely here.

I slid down the wall as I clutched my heart. Hingal na hingal na ako ngayon pero kailangan ko pa rin na magpractice.

I replayed the music, at saka nag umpisa na sa pagsayaw. Bawat galaw ko ay unti unti na rin akong nalalamon ng lungkot. I couldn't get it right. I couldn't focus.

Bigla naman na nagbukas ang pinto sa practice room, kaya agad akong napatingin dun only to see Junhui approaching me.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at saka agad na pinatay ang music bago siya tuluyan na nakalapit sa akin. He then smiled sadly at me bago ako niyakap, kaya naman agad akong napaiyak at niyakap siya pabalik.

He kissed the top of my head and then carressed my back, kaya naman ay mas nailalabas ko ang iyak ko.

"Shh, I heard from Vernon na hindi kayo magkakaayos ng DC ngayon. As a group, sana magkaayos na kayo." Sabi niya, and I bit my trembling lower lip.

"G-Gusto ko din, Jun," sagot ko, and he sighed before taking my hand and then leading me out of the practice room.

Hinayaan ko nalang siya na dalhin ako kung saan, dahil wala na rin naman ako sa tamang pag iisip.

Kinakabahan ako at saka natatakot dahil hindi ko magawang makontrol ang sarili ko. Ngayon lang siguro ako natakot nang ganito sa mga members ng Dreamcatchers. Truthfully, they know me as the loud, wild and confident (sometimes even overconfident) member pero sa totoo lang, itinatago ko lang ang fact na hindi naman talaga ako confident sa sarili ko. Alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi naman ako kasinggaling ng iba.

I didn't know I was closing my eyes until Jun squeezed my hand.

"Chisae, let's go," he said, at saka naman iminulat ko na ang mga mata ko.

Bumaba na kami sa taxi na sinakyan namin, at saka naman tumibok nang mabilis ang puso ko nang makita ko ang isang breathtaking view.

The sky was pitch black and the moon was a bright shade of pale yellow, covered by the clouds. Stars were also twinkling, as if telling me na I need to have hope at wag isipin ang mga problema ko.

"I hope you remember Sarang Beach," he whispered, our hair being swept away by the strong winds.

Halos maluha luha ako nang maalala ko ang mga memories naming lahat dito. Not only Jun and I, but also Dreamcatchers. Andami nang nangyari sa lugar na ito, and I am sure na ang lugar na ito ay matuturing ko na isa sa mga gusto kong puntahan on my last day on Earth.

I felt Jun intertwining our hands together, kaya naman napatingin ako sa kanya. He smiled softly at me, at saka naman nag umpisa na kami sa pag lakad sa may tabi ng tubig.

We took off our shoes, at saka ibinaba ang mga yun sa may tabi.

With my heart raging, I let go of Jun's hand and started walking towards the water.

Maybe this could calm me down. As the cold water hit my skin, it sent chills down my spine but I kept walking deeper.

"Chisae!" Tawag ni Jun, pero hindi ako lumingon.

Sumunod naman ay narinig ko na sinusundan niya na ako, so I jus let him. I just needed a dip. I needed to go back to cheery Chisae or I will not get back to normal.

Nang makarating na siya sa tabi ko, he sighed. He placed my stray hair behind my ear, and then furrowed his brows. He looked worried, kaya naman ay nginitian ko nalang siya.

"Chichi, you know, pwede mo naman na sabihin sa akin, eh. Kahit na wag mong sabihin sa iba, kahit na sa akin nalang. Alam mo naman na nandito lang ako sa ayaw at sa gusto mo," sabi niya, kaya naman I bit my lower lip at saka yumuko.

Junhui, wag ka namang ganyan, please? Mas dumadagdag sa iisipin ko yung mga bagay na sinasabi mo, eh. Hindi ko na alam ang papaniwalaan ko.

"Ano bang sasabihin ko sayo?" Tanong ko sa kanya, smiling bitterly and he clicked his tongue.

"You're pretty stubborn, you know? Hindi mo kayang buhatin lahat ng yan, kaya naman hayaan mo na buhatin ko rin ang iilan sa mga problema mo. I wouldn't mind carrying your problems with you forever," he whispered, at saka naman tumulo ang mga luha ko.

I felt my fingers tremble, and my heart weep. Kapag sinabi ko sayo, baka marami ang magbago sa ating tatlo. There's Yanan, there's you, and there's me. Ayokong masira ang kung ano man ang meron sa ating tatlo.

"Why can't you tell me? We're best friends, aren't we? Is it that hard to-"

"That's it, Junhui. Ayun na nga yun, eh. Because we're just best friends. That's what I'm thinking about. Nalilito na ako sa inyo ni Yanan, and-" sabi ko, kaya lang ay pinutol niya ang sasabihin ko.

Paano ko ba sasabihin ito?

"What do you mean? Paanong nalilito ka sa amin ni Yanan?" Tanong niya, kaya naman ay pinunasan ko ang mga luha ko bago nagsalita.

"Yanan told me he liked me. And then you keep telling me you like me, pero binabawi mo rin naman at sinasabi na joke lang. You guys seriously play with my heart so much," sabi ko, my voice cracking.

He then blinked rapidly, at saka sinagot ako.

"Yanan likes you? So, he likes you. Why does it matter? Do you like him?" Tanong niya nang tuloy tuloy, pero alam ko naman ang gusto kong sabihin.

"No. I don't like him that way. We're just friends," sagot ko.

"Then... do you like me?" Tanong niya, at hindi ko naman alam ang sasabihin ko.

No. Hindi ko sasabihin ang totoo. Not now, Junhui. You can't know. Hindi mo pwedeng malaman kung gaano kita kagusto.

Knowing you, you probably won't like me seriously. Bakit ba kasi? Bakit ba kasi kailangan na maging ganyan?

"I have someone else in my heart," I said, my voice almost a whisper.

Nakita ko naman sa mga mata niya sa pagdaloy ng mga segundo na tila ba nasaktan siya. I didn't know if that emotion was real, but it disappeared the moment it came. I wasn't even sure if my eyes were just fooling me or not.

"I-Is that so?" Tanong naman niya, and I bit my lip before nodding.

Tinapangan ko ang sarili ko at saka tinignan siya. He furrowed his brows, before looking down at me.

I widened my eyes when he crashed his lips into mine, making me flutter my eyes close.

Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang nararamdaman ko, but one thing was for sure. I felt like my lips were made to mold with his. It's just a shame that I'm scared to be with him. That I'm scared he won't feel the same way.

He pulled away even before I could kiss him back, but he placed his forehead on mine. His eyes were closed, and I wanted to stare into his eyes.

Nang buksan niya ang mga mata niya, iisa lang ang pumasok sa isipan ko. The moon was beautiful tonight, but the thought of being able to stare into his eyes this close is something that felt more beautiful than how any moon can make me feel.

Moon Junhui, you're my favourite moon.

"I can be your temporary fix, Chisae. You can call me when you're lonely, you can call me whenever. I'll be your temporary fix."

Somehow, that night, we both found ourselves in his room, clothes lying on the floor and legs tangled with each other.