Everything I Lost | Jensoo

Chapter 5

When I got inside and saw her I didn't know what to buy. She caught me off guard when she spoke to me with that angel voice. All it came to my mind was to say that I wanted three muffins. And I don't even like muffins. She greeted me the same with the other clients. I paid for the three muffins and went back to my meeting.

All day long I have been thinking of her smile. It was so warm. I didn't know what was about her that made me think of her smile like that. Maybe because I couldn't. I tried to go back and remember if I was happy. I tried to remember myself as a child. If I played like the other kids did. If I went to parties. If I enjoyed my life. I didn't. I was living my mom's life all these years. Even now. I am with Suho because Suho is a nice guy, he is from a good family and he is rich. And like a good daughter I am I have to marry Suho and have a happily ever after life with Suho.

"Jisoo, Mrs. Rodriguez is outside waiting."

"Thank you Sarah. Tell her to come inside."

Mrs. Rodriguez. A woman of her late forties. Extremely rich, married to Mr. Rodriguez with three kids. Mr. Rodriguez cheated on her and now she wants a divorce but she still loves him.

"Ms. Kim, goodmorning."

"Goodmorning, Mrs. Rodriguez. Sit down please."

"Thank you."

"So, did you think about everything that we said?"

"I don't know. He cheated on me but he is my husband. I can't take everything away from him. We are married for 22 years now. We have three children together."

"Well Mrs. Rodriguez you asked for the best and you have the best. We can take everything. You knew what would happen. He cheated on you. Do you like that?"

"No I don't."

"Do you want to forgive him?"

"I.. I don't know."

"If you don't know then you should find another lawyer. I can suggest you some very good lawyers. I am here to help you take your divorce. He made a huge mistake and now he has to pay."

"No, no other lawyer Ms. Kim. I.. I think we should continue with the divorce."

This is me. This is who I am. This is how I was raised to be. Harsh, cold blooded, stern, a bitch. All thanks goes to my mom. This my life. This is what I do. I am a lawyer and I am not a softy. They come here for a reason. And when they do come here they regret it. I don't like people that wasting my time.

The only thing that takes my mind away is those fifteen minutes at the bakery every day. When I see that girl smiling.

Every morning at 8am sharp I am there ordering my muffins. First months I could perfectly hide myself behind my sunglasses. But since it was winter now I couldn't. I wanted every morning to order something else but when she was looking at me all I could think was muffins.

The people there know us. And when I mean us, I mean the business people from the next building. I see how they interact with people. I am taking my time to observe. There are some of us that are very kind, they are the ones that they chit chat with the employees, and there are others like me that are uptight. They have their business look. They come and leave.

Tomorrow is Christmas. The happiest day of the year. Everyone should be with their loved ones. I should be with my parents but I won't. I would rather stay here than see my mother. I wish I just could see my father. Suho made plans for us. We will go to a very well known restaurant. So, that will be my Christmas. Amazing. That was sarcastic by the way.

Today I was a little bit late to my morning ritual. When I got inside I saw Mark. He is a CEO in my law firm. Nice guy. Certainly not one of the uptights.

"You and my girlfriend have no Christmas spirit."

"Here is your coffee and your Christmas donut Mark." and she knows him by his name. Not surprise here.

"Jennie you are an angel. How is Ella?"

"She is okay. Tomorrow they have a party at her school."

I couldn't help but listen to them talking. All this time I wanted to find the right moment to start a conversation with her but I couldn't. I couldn't be that.

"..have the best Merry Christmas ever and give a big kiss to Ella for me. Okay?"

I was deep in my thoughts when Mark almost spilled his coffee on me. If I was closer his coffee would be all over me.

"Oh, I am.. Oh.. Jisoo.. Hi.. I am sorry"

"Yeah, whatever."

The girl looked at me. The girl that I knew what her name was a long time ago. Jennie. I heard one of her co-workers calling her one time. It's a beautiful name for a girl.

For some reason I was still ordering the muffins but every time I was ordering something else to drink. Like today, they had a special Christmas offer.. Something that it would make talk a little bit more with her.

"I want your Christmas offer. The muffin with the hot chocolate."

"That would be 4.50 dollars"

I wanted to say something like 'My name is Jisoo. I see you here a lot. I like your muffins' or something like that but every time I would pay, tell her to keep the change and that was it. I was jealous of Mark. How it was possible for him to be so up front. So happy. He even left the shop singing Carol of the Bells. Who does that? Certainly not me.

"Here you are. A muffin and a hot chocolate to go. Merry Christmas" I wanted to say Merry Christmas to you too Jennie and smile at her but all I said was a simple 'you too'.

It was another exhausting day at work. Today at least I would go back home at 9pm. Usually I am back at 10pm. If I wasn't with Suho I don't think that I would have the time to have a personal life.

I was walking to our garage to take my car. All I could think about was a very hot bath, relaxing with a glass of wine and enjoy my night without Suho there. When I got inside my car I heard my phone. When I saw who was calling me I debated with myself if I should answer it or not. But since I knew that the person wouldn't stop calling me I answered the phone.

"Hey mom."

"That's how you answer your phone?"

"And how I am supposed to answer my phone mom? I already know who is calling."

"A lady shouldn't speak like that." I rolled my eyes. Like she could see me anyway. While talking with her I was driving inside the garage. I should stop driving and talk with her but who does that? And I didn't want to be late at home because my mom wanted me to speak like a lady on the phone..

"What is it that you want mom?"

"Why you are not coming this year?"

"I have to be at work."

"Who works on Christmas?"

"Those who have real jobs."

"Watch your language young lady."

"Whatever mom."

"Don't whatever me Jisoo. I am your mom."

"Mom, I have to be at work. I am not coming. End of discussion. I am driving so goodnight.." I closed my phone without waiting an answer from her but while I was doing something with my bag I heard bang.. I thought that I hit my car somewhere but what I saw didn't prepare me for what would follow..

"Fuck.. Oh God."