Game of Spades

3. New City, Same Anxiety

The water was hot, scalding even, as it poured over her scalp. The steady breathing out of her mouth was the only thing keeping her from inhaling a ton of water through her nose. She felt like her eyes were glued shut by how heavy they were.

"...abandoning your family in the middle of the night...you don't love me...talking to me right now is a privilege...this changes nothing..."

Giovanna cringed and buried her neck further into her chest. She sat on the shower floor with her knees tucked under her chin and her arms wrapped around her legs. Giovanna hoped the water would wash away the anxiety that spread through her nervous system. Maybe, she thought, if she wished hard enough she would drown in the shower.

"...no idea how I feel...how dare you...I don't know you... list of mistakes, Annalise...were you ever really?..."

How could she ever speak to an adult like that? Let alone the person who birthed her. She had never done anything like that in her entire life. Giovanna was always the quiet mouse who never had a bad thing to say about anybody. Her daddy taught her if she didn't have anything nice to say...

In the moment, it felt so cathartic to get out all the anger and resentment she had been holding onto for the past 8 years. There was definitely a weight lifted off of her shoulders; that much she did not regret. She had not stopped to think about how it would affect her afterwards.

After the scene in the kitchen, she woke up around 10 o'clock and not 5 minutes into her morning she felt a panic attack arise in her system. She managed to calm herself down but that did not stop her from concocting a slew of different scenarios involving the upcoming interactions between her and her mother. Every single last one of them were awkward and full of angst; not something Giovanna felt she could deal with.

Giovanna did not know if she wanted to apologize or pretend that last night in the kitchen didn't happen at all. Avoidance she could do, confrontation...not so much. It was like a spirit possessed her last night. Avoidance did seem like the easiest option though seeing as how her only current living arrangement involved her mother, it would not be the most effective option.

The brown skinned girl groaned under the shower's tough spray. This wasn't fair, she thought.

If only her father could see that this idea was a terrible one and how miserable she sooned to become. But he had not replied to her text, maybe he didn't care - another thing that made Giovanna sad.

After the late night kitchen debacle, Giovanna was so fired up, she couldn't sleep properly until she emptied all of her luggage and moved her clothes into their new space. Pausing only for a brief second when she came to the closet. It was a medium walk in closet with great lighting but she still had to take a breather once she exited.

Her stomach shouting was her only motivation to get out of the shower. Her skin had started pruning long ago but it did not bother her as much as she thought it would. Giovanna finished her morning routine despite it being slightly interrupted with her being in a new environment and all. Her hair was tough at the worst of times - this was one of those times - which forced her to braid the kinky tresses into one thick plait.

She dressed in a dark green spaghetti strap tank top, some washboard highrise blue jean shorts and a gray short sleeve cardigan. Giovanna did a 2 minute breathing exercise while she tucked in the tank top before she left the semi-safety of her new room.

Now that there was sunlight filling the space, the hallway and obnoxiously large living room looked more appealing. Along the walls there were pictures of Annalise and her fiancé. A ton of pictures with only white people occupying the frame, Giovanna assumed they were his extended family. No pictures of Annalise's old family which left a bitter taste in the girl's mouth.