Winter's Spider

chapter 71

natalia

where am i...? i slowly sit up and open my eyes to see that i'm in the car, clint is driving. i blink and look to my right to see james clenching his jaw and looks at me when i start stirring, i look down to see that he's holding me by my waist, i swallow hard and quickly move away from him. all i can think about is how weak i was because of what that asshole must've put in my vodka. james frowns at me in confusion as i recall the whole situation, i let 'jamie' pull me outside by my waist. am i really that weak?

"are you okay?" bucky asks me as i look down, he moves closer towards me.

"fine. just need some space." my eyes widen as i shift away again, all i can think of is how weak and vulnerable i was.

i'm embarrassing, how could i allow that bastard to even touch me?

"nat, are you good?" i hear clint ask me as i look out the window to see the dark sky and bright stars glimmering in it.

"fine." i reply to his question in a monotone voice without looking at either of them.

i feel so awkward when clint parks the car, i wait for them both to leave the car before i hop out. i go to the tower, not waiting for them and i take the lift to avoid being in a lift with them both.

ping!

i jump out and run to my room but i crash into someone. i drop to the floor and groan. i look up to see tony crossing his arms, annoyed at me for crashing into him but when i don't pull myself up, he rolls his eyes and helps me up.

"where were you guys?" he eyes me in suspicion when he looks at my outfit.

"out." i shrug and rush to my room, i go inside and slam the door closed.

wow. that was...insane. why do i always attract the pervs and crackheads at bars? i sigh when i change out of my dress into a black tank top and grey shorts. i feel a bit better when i tie my hair back in a low ponytail. what did i do to always be harassed at bars? seriously?

"natasha, are you in there?" there's a knock on the door which makes me jump.

"no." i hiss and hold the door so james doesn't open it, i hear him scoff.

"sure you aren't." he chuckles as he forces the door open.

"can you leave me alone." i snap when he walks in and slowly closes the door, he rolls his eyes at me.

"no, i wanted to see if you were okay, i-"

"i'm fine. leave." i tell him as i sit on my bed, bringing my knees up to my chest.

"tsk, you're obviously not." he sits next to me, he arches a brow at me when i look at him with an annoyed expression.

"this is my room, get out." i stand away from the bed and place my hands on my hips.

"i don't know why..." he stands away from the bed also and takes a step towards me. "but you remind me of someone." he finishes.

"r-really? probably because i-we were in the red room together." i stutter as he stares into my eyes, i'm probably blushing.

"..." he comes towards me, he's so close that i can smell his cologne. i breathe it in deeply as he stares at me up and down. "maybe." he then gives me a shrug.

"about tonight...m-"

"you were so irresponsible! why the fuck did you talk to that bastard, i told you to not talk to strangers." he growls and glares at me.

"you don't control me, no one does!" i push him away from me but he doesn't budge.

"he could've...hurt you." he tells me as i take a deep breath.

"i know." i avoid making eye contact with him as i recall the situation. i'm weak.

"you don't blame yourself, do you?" he softly asks me with a guilty expression.

i don't answer him, instead i just shrug. he looks down in guilt, i frown at him.

"why do you look so guilty?" i ask in a concerned tone.

"i should've came." he looks down at the ground.

"no, it was okay, clint was there. he would've helped me." why would he blame himself, is he starting to remember me?

"sure but i can't help feeling like shit about what almost happened to you, next time i'm
coming along, natalia." before i can reply, i realise what he just called me and freeze in my tracks.

he squints his eyes in confusion and looks around, he looks like he's wondering why my name rolled off of his tongue as if he was used to calling me that.

"so erm, how was your day...before this?" i try to change the subject before he can ask why he called me that.

"don't change the subject, natalia, why are you so familiar?" his expression suddenly turns to rage, my eyes widen.

"well possibly because we were in the red room together-"

"i know that so why the fuck does it feel like so much more?" he slams me up against the wall and holds me against it.

"i-i don't know." i shiver.

i can't let him get hurt! he literally escaped hydra like what a week ago? if he snaps, he'll go back and it'll be all my fault. i can't, i just can't let that happen so it's better to not remind him about who i am.

"stop lying to me, the way you walk, the way you talk, behave, it's so familiar." he squints at me and scans me.

"get off!" i try to push his body away from mine but he doesn't even move an inch.

"natalia...why?" he moves away from me as if in pain, he glares at me in disbelief.

"what-"

"how can you try to make me forget about you, how selfish can you really be?" he yells at me and kicks my closet before exiting my room and slamming the door closed.

i stand there, lifeless, not knowing what to do. tears fill in my eyes but i choose to ignore them and the pit deep inside my stomach which is causing butterflies. my chest feels tight when i hear james yelling at everyone for not telling him about how he forgot me.

did i fuck up?