Winter's Spider

chapter 42

nat's pov

an everlasting scream escapes my lips as i shoot right up, sweat trickles down my forehead. i take a deep breath but i can't stop breathing heavily, it feels like no oxygen is entering my lungs. someone has put me in clint's bed...then i remember. isn't he dead?

"fuck..." i cry, tears fall from my eyes.

i cry so hard until i can't breath...he's dead? please god no. i climb out of his bed but i'm so weak that i just collapse to the ground, what is wrong with me? the last thing i remember was passing out. why? am i okay? i slowly pull myself up and sit up against the wall. i spot a picture of clint and his family on the wall, that's the last straw for me. i kick the door with as much force as i could. considering that fact that i collapsed, it was a pretty good kick. it made a loud bang though. i'm still on the ground so it didn't help much.

"natasha, what are you doing? are you awake?" i hear a voice softly ask from outside.

it's wanda.

"wanda, please help me!" i sob as he enters clint's room.

"huh? what's going on..." she pauses, i'm pretty sure she can read my mind.

"where's bucky?" i ask her before she can say anything.

"hold that thought! nat, you were hallucinat-"

"where is he? why is he not here?" i cut her off, hardly letting her speak a sentence.

she sighs and goes to fetch him, i feel my heart thump in my stomach. is clint dead?

"natalia." i hear james rush in and come to me.

"james." my voice trembles as he pulls me up.

"bucky, i'll let you handle her." wanda waves goodbye at us and leaves, she closes the door on the way out.

i begin sobbing again.

"well what's wrong, you're supposed to tell me." he gives me a sad look.

"clint's dead." i cry into his shoulder.

"no he's not, you were hallucinating, doll." he kisses me on the head as i look up at him in confusion.

"w-what? it was so real...?" i place my hand on his shoulder.

"it was a side effect of the substance that was injected in you, your hallucinations are gone now." he helps me sit on the bed with him.

"and clint?" i furrow my eyebrows.

"bird boy, get your ass in here now!" james yells at the top of his lungs.

"coming!" sam yells back at the same tone, he walks in.

"not you, you fool. call clint before i rip out his spine." james glares at sam which causes him to walk back out of the door in fear.

"y-yeah, okay." we hear sam's footsteps getting further and further.

james pulls me onto his lap, facing him and holds me tightly. he seems to be so sick of life, as am i. as we wait for clint, i catch him staring at me and he quickly turns away, his whole face turns a shade of red and he swallows hard.

"are you embarrassed?" i tease him.

"w-what? no." he rolls his eyes at me, clearly trying to lie about it.

"you loveeee me." i tilt my head to the side and smile.

"yes i do." he kisses my neck with no warning, i guess it's my turn to blush now.

"ohhh, you love me." he teases me exactly how i teased him.

"uhm...yeah. i love you." i stutter whilst trying to hide the fact that i'm blushing. he's already seen me though.

"i'm here!" clint rushes to us.

"clint, oh my god!" i jump out of james' hold but end up falling to the floor.

"i think you're still having side effects." james points out.

"no shit, sherlock." i groan.

"nat, i heard what happened." clint helps me up and i hug him so tightly to the point that i think i'm suffocating him.

"i thought you were dead." i don't let go of him.

"i'm pretty sure i'm alive." i feel him laugh.

i separate from the hug and take a deep breath.

"talia, are you okay?" james stands next to me.

"i'm fine...just overwhelmed. clint, i saw you with a knife drilled into your chest, i saw blood splatter everywhere, i saw your eyes roll back to your head. i saw you die. why would my mind create such a scene?" i cross my arms.

"alexi probably gave you that substance on purpose, to scare or confuse you." james rubs his chin.

"i'm just so...relieved." i rub my eyes to see that james and clint disappear.

they weren't really there. so what the fuck is going on?

i collapse to the ground and the world goes dark, leaving me on clint's bedroom floor, still not knowing whether my best friend is dead or not.