my last pages 》 nomin

page 8 / 19

Jeno came back a few days later with a smile on his gorgeous face. It was fake. It was wrong.

Jaemin expected yelling, screaming, hell, maybe even hitting. The smile terrified him more than any fists would.

"Hey, Jaemin!" Jeno greeted him with a kiss on his cheek. The boy was dressed head to toe in Jaemin's limited wardrobe, and he'd be lying if he said he didn't find it even mildly arousing.

"Jeno, where did you go?" Was Jaemin's first question. "Who were you with? Are you mad at me? Are we okay?"

"I went to think. Don't worry so much, I told your mom about the situation and she gave me some much-needed advice. I was by myself, I'm not mad anymore, just a bit disappointed, and no, Jaemin, I don't think we're okay." Jeno pulled off his (Jaemin's) slippers and flopped onto the bed. It felt almost normal, and it would have been if it weren't for Jeno's damned smile.

"How are you not mad? I need you to be mad, give me a reason to feel bad!" Jaemin yelled, grabbing at Jeno's face, hands, any part he could reach.

"I can't be mad at you, Jaemin. Trust me, I tried very hard, but you're not mine, Nana." Jeno's words were sincere, but his eyes were a dull void. They screamed anger when his lips whispered apologies.

"Jeno, I-"

"Go write. Maybe you'll feel better, hm?" Jeno patted his butt gently when he turned around. The guilt was still threatening to strangle Jaemin, and he found that clutching his pen only tugged on the rope. But he wrote, regardless, because when mouths failed, hands never could.

We're too different, aren't we?
I love the hot, you enjoy the cold.
You go to the beach, I thrive in the city.

Opposites attract when all of the opposite is intact,
and I think I'm missing some pieces.
Can I love you, when I don't love myself?
Can I hate you, when all of my hatred is reserved for myself?

You hold my hand and I don't feel full,
I feel broken, fragile.

You tuck me into your arms and I don't feel safe,
I feel contained, trapped.

Why are you a cage full of flowers, my love?