VOCALOID ONESHOTS (Requests open!)

Lie

TW: toxic friendship, crying, suicidal thoughts, injuries, suicide attempt

-Luka-

I looked down the list.

My name wasn't there anymore. He'd scribbled over it, blotting it out with the ink of his pen. It was shocking, but somewhere inside, it made me happier.

I'd checked the list every day. He kept it pinned up on his door, because the people on the list could come into his room and hang out with him and just...be a good friend of his. We barely had to knock. I'd checked the list every day, because I was always afraid he'd take me off it.

I'm not the best person to be friends with. I'm anxious, and I have a habit of apologizing too much, especially around someone like him. He didn't show too many emotions to me, it always seemed like he didn't care for me much. If the list was numbered to show who was better, I'm sure my name would have been at the very bottom.

I was never allowed to tell him about my fears. He always said he hated when people did that, because he "had many more problems than I did."

I'm sure I was the only one he ever said that to. He was always showing so much care and concern and affection for the others.

That's another thing. I was easily jealous of his other friends. I'd see him talking to them, and he would always hug them. He kissed some of them, too. We all knew he was polyamorous, but we didn't mind. Not too much, anyway.

He made me cry more than any of the boys I'd dated. Except for maybe one or two.

I hated it. I couldn't bring myself to message him. I'd just wait for him to text me on the online chat service we used when we weren't hanging out.

He never gave me his phone number. He told it to all the others. To me, he said "Nobody gets to know me outside of this campus." He lied. I hate lies. I can't stand being lied to.

I return to my dorm, feeling tears drop from my eyes. Why am I crying? Why do I even care about him? He never cared about me. Why should I care for him?

He at least seemed nice. That's another thing I'm not sure about. Was he just faking it the entire time?

I open up my computer. I'm supposed to be writing a song for my final project in one of my music classes. It's the song that could get me a record deal, but I haven't started it yet. I don't have many places to start from.

I have a message on the chat. It's from him. Salmon. We had nicknames for each other, he never told me his real name...I'm sure he told the others. He called me Tuna.

Tuna and Salmon. Two of my favorite things to eat. I'm sure he knew that.

I open up the message. It's just him asking how I am. I don't respond, and log out of the message program. The tears are coming faster now, dropping down my cheeks at a rate of 5 tears per 30 seconds. I'm going to start crying out loud if I'm not careful. I still don't know why.

My heart aches. If that's what you'd describe it as, anyway. I feel as if someone's tied ropes around my chest, tightly enough so that I can't breathe. And then they slammed a big rock into my torso. Knocking the wind out of me.

And I'm crying. Not out loud, but crying. The tears are coming faster now, one every two seconds. I've curled up in front of my bed and into a ball, pressing my pillow to my face. It's not like I loved him. Why am I crying?

And then it hits me like a brick. Again. We were friends. At least, I thought we were friends. Good friends, even though he talked to the others more often. I didn't know how much he was lying. He was a good liar, online and offline.

I wanted him to stay friends with me. When I managed to let go of my anxiety, we had a lot of fun conversations. We'd hug each other. We went bowling a couple times. We went to see a horror movie, and he held my hand when I got scared. I took him out to dinner. We went to the park after sunset and ran around like idiot kids when nobody was watching.

My other friends aren't like this. I don't have too many friends offline, but the ones I have, I know and love. Kaito. Meiko. Gakupo. Kyo. Flower. Gumi. SeeU. IA.

They never lied like this. They didn't make lists. They didn't make me cry too much, they didn't make me so anxious. They weren't like him.

He'd post things on his status. And I'd comment on them. Ask him what was going on, if he was okay. He'd give one or two answers, but then he'd immediately delete my comments. Every time we hung out lately, it ended with him giving me a death glare as I ran away back into my dorm. He always deleted his posts a day or two after, but he only deleted my comments right after I posted them. It was like he was ashamed of me. Like I had to be hidden.

The room feels even more closed in now. I just want someone to hold me. Anyone. But none of my friends are replying to my texts from earlier. I don't want to bother them anymore. I'm tired of depending on them so much, but I can't stop myself. I'm not mature. I don't act my age.

My older brother was right. I'm just a crybaby.

I pull myself up and open the window, leaning out and taking deep breaths of the fresh air. My room is high up in the dorm building. If I jumped off the roof, and landed completely wrong, I might die. From here I'd probably just be injured. It doesn't matter.

I have to pull my head back inside because I'm crying again. Out loud this time. I bury my face in the pillow and let all my tears out. I can't tell him how I feel. I'm too scared to lose him, even though he makes my eyes fill with tears. I can't do anything about it except cry, and hope it'll be better. Even though it won't.

I lean out the window again and the line drops from me like a bomb. A sudden lyric, it could be in a song.

Please, distinguish me.

I sit back on the bed and curl up, shaking a bit, opening up my Google Docs. I open a new document and type the line in.

Please, distinguish me.

Another one comes out. I'm just brainstorming now. Trying to figure it out. I'm still crying.

I will be 'Eraser's mind'.

I keep typing, in Japanese this time.

Afuredasu iro o

Dareka tomete yo

Kiechau

I can't do anything about this except cry, or sing. But I'm too tired to do that now. My eyes are beginning to close.

I shut the computer and go back to the window, leaning out further this time. Further. And further.

And then I fall.

Nothing really matters anyway. Salmon never cared, so it doesn't matter.

I feel something shatter when I hit the ground. And then everything is black.