Patrick Star and the Legendary Gucci Belt

Mohawks and Myths

    Patrick Star was tired of being bald. He decided to see his barber, Jason Voorhees, so he could get a mohawk. "What kind of mohawk do you want? A solid one that stays together in a line or a spiky mohawk that is separated?"

       Patrick thought for a moment, then decided. "I'll take the spiky one, and make it green," he said as Jason took out his Miracle Grow and began to make Patrick grow hair. "By the way, a new urban legend has stirred up. On a recent expedition to Mount Everest, a research team has found a weird archway and what looks to be a giant door. It has the Gucci symbol, and people are calling it the Gucci Temple."

         "It's probably something a crackhead came up with," replied Patrick as he felt the hair begin to grow up in spikes. When it was done growing, Jason got the green dye out. "It might be, but they say it holds the Legendary Gucci Belt, the biggest flex in the world. I heard that people like Shrek and Yoda were going after it. Even Bart Simpson was going to try and obtain it."

     When his hair was done being dyed, Patrick waited for it to dry. "To get to Mount Everest, I must learn to breathe air..."

     "You can always talk to Lisa Lisa, the hamon coach. There, you can learn to breathe on the surface, and you can use cool sunlight powers," said the barber. Suddenly, someone busted down the door. It was Yoda. "Know too much, they do. Kill them, you must."

       A bunch of midgets dressed up as ninjas filed into the barber shop. "Run, Patrick!" Jason shouted as he grabbed his machete, but he was no match for the trained ninja midgets, who cut him into pieces with their katanas. Patrick, with his new green mohawk, decided to escape out the back door. When he got outside, he realized the whole shop was surrounded by ninja midgets.

      Patrick knew that he had to go Super Saiyan. His green mohawk turned gold as he began to glow. "COME AND FIGHT ME, FREAKS!" he exclaimed as the midgets rushed at him. He punched them, one by one, until they were all defeated. "Defeated my warriors, you have. Die, you must." Yoda took his lightsaber out and activated it.

     Patrick began to charge up a Kamehameha blast, but Yoda rushed at him. Patrick quickly dodged and grabbed Yoda, throwing him onto the roof. Patrick flew up onto the roof, floating above the ground in his Super Saiyan form. "Yoda... you will never make it to the Gucci Temple... you will never even make it out of Bikini Bottom."

      "A big pink bastard, you are. Cut you down easily, I will." Yoda rushed at him with the intent to cut him up, but Patrick was too fast. While Yoda was in midair, Patrick threw a barrage of punches. "ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!" yelled Patrick as he punched. Yoda was sent launching into the sky. "HOW ARE YOU EVEN BREATHING... UNDERWATER?!" asked Patrick as he punched Yoda some more. "JASON WAS JUST A HUSK... BUT YOU ARE ALIVE! HOW?!" The punches continued and never stopped.

     Eventually, Yoda coughed up blood and said, "Surrender, I do!" Patrick scoffed. "Those are the words of a coward..." Yoda used the brief period that Patrick was distracted to escape, but Patrick was one step ahead of him. "KAME... HAME... HAAAAA!" he yelled as he sent a blast of energy at Yoda, making him disintegrate. "Yare yare daze," said Patrick, who flew back to the ground. "I need to find this Lisa Lisa..."