Joonie || NamBTS

26) Life is an art

"Jungkook!", namjoon shouted, not quite loud but enough to make jungkook flinch from his place and close his eyes in fear. Namjoon winced, biting his lip to stop himself from raging at jungkook.

He just wanted to clear his mind so he took his dad's car and decided to go for a walk near Han river. Yeah, Ilsan had many rivers but the Han river had something that always seemed to comfort him. It was only a half an hour ride so namjoon didn't mind.

What he didn't expect was, finding a boy who almost gave up his life before he reached in the right time and stopped him. And the most shocking thing was, finding out that the boy was none other than jungkook, his small and sweet jungkook who had a cute little bunny smile and whose eyes crinkled whenever he laughed or smiled out of extreme happiness.

"Why would you...?", he trailed of, unable to form words. Jungkook hung his head low, guilt creeping up his chest. He dissapointed namjoon. He tried to kill himself, give up on his life when he should've been thankful for even getting one in the first place.

"I'm so sorry, hyung. I couldn't do it anymore. Couldn't live without you. Couldn't live with the guilt eating me day by day. couldn't live without thinking that I'm a disgrace, an idiot who always messes everything up. couldn't... couldn't stop thinking that I wasn't needed in the first place. couldn't stop feeling unimportant and useless. couldn't live like this... anymore", he cried, stumbling and falling into Namjoon's chest. As if almost instinctively, Namjoon's arms came to wrap around jungkook, rubbing his back and pressing lingering kisses to his crown as he cried harder.

Namjoon wanted to scream at him for being stupid but he couldn't. Knowing that he had been in his situation, he couldn't do that. Not when jungkook needed support. He wanted to tell jungkook that he was absolutely insane for even thinking about it. But he needed to tell him that it's okay, whatever was bothering him, it would get over. He would help him, he would listen.

"Hyung, I'm so sorry! I didn't- didn't mean to h-hurt you. Hyung!", jungkook sobbed relentlessly. His mind was hazy. He couldn't even comprehend the fact that namjoon was right there, holding him close.

"Shh. It's okay, koo. It's okay, you're okay. I'm here now. Nothing will happen, we're okay", namjoon said, trying his best to ease the younger's pain.

"They said- they said I'm- I'm weird and- and that I'm- I'm an-annoying. Hyung, I promise I'm not weird. There's nothing- nothing wrong wit' me", jungkook said frantically. He was desperate. He wanted the assurance that he was not weird, there was nothing wrong with him.

Namjoon needed to comfort jungkook because he knew that's what he needed the most. Namjoon had Jackson who was his safe place, bringing him comfort, and now, he wanted to be there for jungkook. He wanted to be Jungkook's Jackson. Wanted to hold him close and tell him that there was nothing wrong in him, nothing weird with him. Wanted to tell him that it was perfectly fine to not be satisfied with yourself. It's perfectly fine that you're not perfect and it's perfectly fine that you can't handle things on your own.

It happens. And it'll happen. Hurt and comfort. Happiness and misery. It's all part of an art called life. And everyone has to go through these parts. Those who master this art, are the Artists of life. They just need to know and understand that it's okay to not be okay.

Namjoon held jungkook close and took him to his car. He didn't want anyone to see them while jungkook was in such a vulnerable state. Opening the car door for jungkook, he sat beside him on the driver's seat.

Jungkook whimpered and scooted closer to Namjoon, small hands fisting his cardigan as he buried his face into Namjoon's chest. His whole body writhed in Namjoon's hold as it downed on him just what he was going to do. He finally comprehended the fact that he could've died if namjoon didn't make it in time.

"Hyung!!", he suddenly cried, surprising Namjoon who was carding his fingers through Jungkook's soft brown locks. "Kookie, what happened? Shh.. I'm here. No, no, baby. Don't cry", he tried soothing the younger but it didn't work. He was starting to get anxious when jungkook said something, barely above a whisper.

"I didn't get you, koo. What do you wanna say?", namjoon asked carefully he was being cautious about not overwhelming the younger. "Just- just hold me like this, please?", jungkook looked up at him, big teary eyes shining like crystals. His hair was a mess, long and damp, sticking out all over the place. Lips red and cheeks stained with a pinkish blush.

He looked beautiful. Namjoon wanted to hate himself for thinking so but he couldn't. Because it was true. Jungkook looked absolutely ethereal, in his most vulnerable state. As an alpha, jungkook always said that he didn't think he could cry in front of anyone. He thought it was a shame.

But right now, in his hold, Namjoon realized that everyone has a limit. Whether it's a rich businessman or a normal middle class person. An overly proud person or a self-concious one. No one could handle pain, especially if it's inflicted to the heart. Everyone needed love, comfort and attention.

When he was young, he used to be highly asocial but he still remembered how he needed his mother to be there for him, how he needed Bang PD to assure him when he first joined his agency and how he relied on his members when it was too much.

He realized that no one really liked being lonely. Yes, you can say, 'No, I love being alone' because that's true. Many people love being alone but no one enjoys being lonely. You need someone to tell you that you're important, you're loved, it's okay if things get hard because they can help you through it. You need someone to show that they care, they appreciate you, they understand you and even if they can't do much, they're there, by your side.

Namjoon thought that the world would be a better place if people could take out a little time to tell their loved ones that they appreciate them, they're happy that they exist. Because sometimes, we know we appreciate someone but they don't realize it. And afterwards, it's too late.

A little "Thank you for being you", once in a while, would be nice.