Teen Idle// Euphoria

Unsureness

Matty's mother had never left her anywhere. She always brought the girl along or left her somewhere she would be okay. The first couple days of being alone, her mother had paid ahead at the motel. Matty tried to keep herself busy whether it was school, art or even spending time with people. She had stayed away from Nate especially because she was all alone. He knew too much and she did not want to rely on him. After the front desk attendant had woke her one more demanding pay, Matty showed up on Jule's doorsteps. 

It was nice staying in a place where there was dinner on the table when six o'clock stroke on the clock. She even helped out with chores. Matty had told Jules that her mother was out of town and she did not want to be alone. Jules, of course, took the girl in telling her father that the same lie that Matty had told her. Matty did not know what to do. She was scared for once in her life, wouldn't anyone abandoned by someone they trusted?

Matty had shown up to school that Monday wearing black flare pants and a cropped lilac color top. She left her hair down in hers waves and kept her makeup pretty natural for the sunset eyeshadow that was on her eyes. Matty had decided (or maybe tried to convince herself) that maybe it was not so bad that her mother left her. She would never have to leave anywhere ever again but who would she run to once they realize she was by herself. 

Matty once was taken by child services after a few too many times her mother left her at the school. She had tried to tell the teacher that it was because her mother was working late but still the call the was made. Matty remembered the way the motel door bang open as it was knock upon. She remembered her mother screaming at the door as Matty watched the television trying to act brave. It was probably the moment that Matty realized that you could not trust many. She looked at the plain older lady that interviewed her and realized what was happening. Matty was not dumb maybe not school smart but she was intelligent in other ways. 

She realized that she could tell the lady what she wanted to hear. Matty could still hear the yells of her mother from outside. The child showed no fear but rather a curiosity that scared most. Anyone could look at her and realized that she was probably more of an adult than the women outside. They asked her questions if she was harmed by her mother. Matty knew the answer was no and probably would always be no. Sometimes her mother would talk about what she saw during  the job which was weird because she was talking to a child. Matty had heard stories of women being beat and sometimes Matty if that would had been their life if her father. She did not quite understand how anyone could beat another but maybe she never felt that rage. She was a child after all and  did not quite understand why it was so wrong. 

Matty knew she had to put on a show and showed a few tears and an act that probably any child would do if they were being taken away from their parents. It was then Matty questioned that maybe she did not want the normal. She had put on just enough for them to leave them be. Her mother did try her best after that. 

Matty stopped at her locker pulling open throwing in her books that she barely even open since she got here. She heard someone beside her and looked over at them, "what do you want?" she asked.

"You good" Nate asked staring forward.

"Fine" she told him.

"Really Matty?" Nate asked clearly getting mad at the lack of her words.

"Yes really Nate..." she stared at him, "I'm fine for now".

"where are you staying?" 

"none of your business" she told him. Matty could have told him but like what was the point of any of it really.  Matty slammed the locker shut and walked to her first class. 

Matty was in art class when she had heard about what was happening at the school. She heard the whispers before demanding one of the girls to tell her what everyone was talking about. Maybe not her finest moment but it had to do with her friends. 

Her mind was racing hearing everything that was happening. Matty was quite angry actually. She thought she knew a lot about Nate Jacobs but obviously not enough. Matty could fear itching a little but she pushed it down. She felt bad for Maddy and wished that she could be there for her. Matty asked to go to the bathroom and stumbled out of the class. She felt hands catch her on her waist and looked into the eyes of Nate Jacobs. They both stared into each other's eyes before Matty looked behind to see his parents and cops. Matty bit her lip and moved out of the way muttering an apology. 

Matty stopped once they passed her and stared at the back of the head of Nate Jacobs. She should have felt fear but Matty did not. Maybe she was more screwed up then she thought. She felt fear for Nate and Maddy. Nate looked back at her and mouthed the words, "I'm sorry". 

She did not know what Nate Jacobs had to be sorry with her about. Matty furrowed her eyebrows and frowned before turning away to the bathroom. She stared at herself hard in the mirror and wondered why she was a shit person. Why did she not feel fear around Nate Jacobs. She did not understand the feelings in her. Matty felt disgusted with herself and wished maybe that she never came back here. 

Matty had gotten out of school and told Jules she would meet her later back at her home. She was on a mission and walked the whole way to the club. Matty kept her head high as she walked in. She needed the answers with so much unsureness in her life. She walked the whole way to the back and knocked on the owner's door. 

"Come in" she heard