Dark Moves Of Love ~ Neymar Jr

Chapter 36

It was almost dark when I woke up the next morning. The sun was barely out but I decided to get up anyway. I found myself wanting to walk around, at dawn and appreciate the place. In a few days we had the first game of the World Cup which would be held in Rio, but after that we'd start travelling a lot around Brazil. I wanted to see all of Brazil but at the same time I didn't want to leave Granja Comary. I had grown to love this place.

Life was complicated lately, but somehow I didn't feel anxious about the future at all. I guess, the serenity and the quietness of the morning in such a beautiful place helped you gain perspective.

I have overcome a lot in my life, I thought. This is nothing. I lived through the worse experience of my life two years ago. Lived through it and survived. One thing is certain in this world and I don't know if it's good or bad. Life goes on, no matter what. No matter who you are, time doesn't stop for anyone. Wounds don't heal completely, there's always scar tissue left but maybe the remainder that you lived through that and survived is a good thing.

"You look very deep in thought."

"Alex. Why are you up so early?"

"I could ask you the same thing." He said approaching me. He sat next to me on the bench that looked towards the pond, the same bench we had sat on a week ago, when I told him we should give our relationship a try. We tried and failed.

"I'll miss this place." I said.

"I'm not sure I share the feeling." He told me, looking ahead. The sun was coming out in front of the pond, the rays illuminating the water, playing with the different colors and shades.

"You can't not miss that." I said gesturing ahead of us, towards the pond.

"The view is good, I'll give you that."

"Alex, I am sorry for everything." I told him.

"You know," he started saying and took a deep breath, "when I broke up with you, I told myself she'll come back, if she comes back it means she does care. But you never came."

I didn't say anything right away. He was right, I didn't fight for us. It was on me to save or sink our relationship and by choosing to do nothing I chose the second.

"And I guess that was my answer." He continued.

"I really like you, for what it's worth. And I tried to not be stuck at him, I really tried. I thought that he had his life and I should move on with mine but I couldn't. Not fully. But I never meant to hurt you. And when we were together I would never..."

"I know you wouldn't cheat on me Liv. I know you'd rather suffer in silence like you did, making me think that everything was great with us."

"I wasn't suffering with you. On the contrary. You were always a relief for me Alex and a source of joy. It's myself I can't live with."

"I wish you'd see yourself through my eyes. Or his eyes. Maybe you wouldn't be so hard on yourself then. Instead of punishing yourself for what you wanted maybe you'd be out there trying to get it."

"Have you ever considered that I might actually deserve it?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Never." He said turning around to look at me. He took my hands in his and the familiar warmth spread through me.

I smiled at him but I felt like I was on the verge of crying. He leaned towards me and kissed me lightly on the lips and then on the cheek.

"You'll be alright." He said.

"Can we stay friends?" I asked him as he stood up. "And I don't mean just here, in Brazil, but when we get back too."

"Of course." He said, giving me a half smile. "I just have to get over you first." He said as he walked away and I wasn't sure if he was joking or being serious.