Oh, Alexander

Chapter 18: The Truth

Regret. That's all I felt as I watched her walk away. All I wanted to do was chase after her, but I knew that guards would see it as a threat to her and the baby. So, I just swallowed my emotions and tucked them away from sight. She looked back briefly and I could see how she was barely holding in her tears as she carried our baby away. I'd never know that little girl - our little girl. I didn't even get to find out her name, I know she would've changed it. Even more regret.

The guard that led Alana back to the front came back to take me to my cell. He sighed and looked at me, "She's pissed off, kid." He said gruffly. "What did you say to her?"

"Told her to leave. She shouldn't see me like this, shouldn't be around the guys worse than me. Yeah, I get she wanted to see me and wanted me to see our kid, but she shouldn't have brought the baby here. It's too dangerous." I shook my head and sighed, "Can you find something out for me?"

"Depends."

"Can you access her hospital records?" I asked, looking down at my feet as we walk. "I just need to know if she almost, you know..."

"Rough labor?" He glanced at me and I just nodded. He sighed, "I'll see what I can do, kid."

When he locked me back in my cell I just stared at the picture I had of Alana. She was six months pregnant and her hair had gotten really long. We were at the park, not a cloud in sight, she was swinging slowly and I took a picture of her. When I looked at it for the first time I realized, that while she was swinging slowly, she had her hand on her belly and smiling. She looked truely beautiful and happy.... And I ruined it all. I fucked up and got caught transporting, I got thrown in jail, I told her to leave. I hurt her more than anything. Her dad was gone and the only people who had her back were Cassie, that quiet chick, and Fletcher. God, that kid makes me sick! I hope he doesn't use Alana the way he used Christine. I'd just have to wait and see I guess. Wait with this picture of Alana when she was still my girl.

I woke up alone on the couch. The only thing covering my naked body was a thin blanket. I wrapped it around my slowly thinning body and called out to Fletcher. There was no answer. I searched for a clue to where he went. Then I relized it was Monday. There was school on Monday. It wasn't even Thanksgiving break yet. I'd probably be alone for that if it weren't for Alexandra. I sighed and went upstairs and changed. The nursery was silent, no signs of my baby came from the room. I panicked and threw the door. Fletcher jumped and looked around, Alexandra in his arms. I took a deep breath to settle my nerves, "I didn't hear her, I thought something happened."

He hugged me tight, Alexandra sound asleep in his arm, "I'm so sorry. I didn't want to wake you up. You were sleeping really good for once and she started to cry." He let me go and looked into my eyes, "Are you ok? I mean, you were crazy mad when you got home last night and then with what happened and what you said-"

I cut him off with an emotionally open kiss, letting my feelings flow into the kiss smoothly. "I meant what I said last night, truly. I've been scared to admit it to myself but I do love you, I wasn't ready to be over Alex, but now I am. He's been turned into a jerk by that place and I'm over him." I smiled at him as I lied about being over Alex. "I did love him though, and I don't regret our baby. His time in my heart is over."

Fletcher nodded and kissed me. The same intense sensation I felt when he kissed me in the hospital was there again. It was terrifying and exhilarating. I finally understood what that feeling was. Love. The love I had for Fletcher. How long have I felt this way and why was it just now becoming obvious? I should've had sex with Fletcher that night. But would I really give up Alexandra for that? No, that would be absurd! I couldn't do that to her. I love her, and I love her father. Or at least I did back then. I grabbed her from Fletcher's arms and kissed her forehead. "So, uh, are we a thing now? You and I?"