16: Roaming fees may apply

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"The teeth tear and chew," Coach Lawrence said during health class. "Grinding the food into paste before it's swallowed. Then, it travels down the windpipe...I mean esophagus."

"So, the reason you were late and covered in dirt," Claire said to Jim in the back of the class. "Was because you were fighting a mud monster?"

"While there was some gnarly troll watching you?" Toby asked. "Talk about creepy."

"I know," Jim said. "It was like he was studying me."

"What are you going to do?" Claire asked.

"I don't know," he said. "I haven't figured it out yet."

"To the guts," Coach Lawrence said. "Where the juices break it down into bubbling, nasty soup. So, after it weaves through all this mess, it comes out the old...You know...the back door."

"Coach?" Steve raised his hand. "Yeah, thank you. I don't mean to butt in, but I'd like to gas a question."

The class laughed and Steve smiled. "Hey," he said. "Poo's laughing?"

"Watch it, Palchuk," Coach Lawrence said.

"Why don't you shut your hole, Steve?" Jim said.

"That's it, jokesters," Coach Lawrence said. "Both of you, principal's office, now!"

***

"You think you can out poo pun me, Lake?" Steve asked when they were in the principal's office. "How can I do that," Jim asked. "When you're the biggest piece—"

Strickler walked in before he could finish. "Young Atlas," he said. "Getting into trouble again, I see?"

Jim glared at him as Strickler walked to his desk. "Principal Strickler," Steve said. "This has been a huge misunderstanding."

"You have a lot of nerve showing your face around here, Strickler," Jim said.

"I've decided I'm not done with you," Strickler said. "Your education has just begun."

"Good," he said. "Maybe I'm a slow learner. Because I can't figure out why you came back after I dropped a bomb on your parade."

"For the record," Steve said. "I'd like to say he's not speaking on my behalf."

"Shut up, Steve!" They both said.

"I'm in a position to make your life truly miserable," Strickler told Jim.

"I could take you out right now."

"And I could do far worse right now. Are you ready for that?"

"I'm sorry about the poop jokes!" Steve covered his face. "They weren't really that funny!"

"Detention," Strickler said. "Both of you. Now, get out of my office before I change my mind." His eyes flashed red when he said the word "change".

***

"I should have pulled daylight on him right then and there," Steve told Toby and Claire when they were near the entrance of Trollmarket.

"Steve would have gone bananas!" Claire told him.

"It's probably good you waited," Toby said. "I imagine murdering your principal looks pretty bad on your college application."

"I just have to wait to get him alone," Jim said. He took the horngazel out of his pocket and

Claire turned around. "What's wrong?" Jim asked. She looked around.

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