Who Am I Without Him? (Laurmani)

seven.

LAUREN'S POV.

I continued to stare at Normani's closed-door once she had walked into her room. She had just asked me to help her make dinner tomorrow and to say the least, I was confused as hell. I mean, didn't she hate me 2 hours ago? I quickly told myself to not read into this strange turn of events too much. Perhaps she just wanted assistance for once and that was that.

I shouldn't expect much, we'll make dinner in silence then eat in silence. Then she'll go back to her room like she normally does and I'll stay and watch tv or read like I usually do. Nothing's gonna change, I should just accept that. So, I went to sleep a little while later and wondered if there was a light at the end of the tunnel. But, sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel turns out to be an oncoming train.

The next morning, Normani was her normal quiet self, though I only saw her for a few seconds before I went to the bathroom to get read. When I came out, there was a cup of coffee and a stack of pancakes on the table. I smiled to myself and sat down, then began eating.

45 minutes later, I was trudging through the halls of the nursing home as I normally did. Being in housekeeping, no one seemed to notice you unless you were in their way which was good for the most part. I preferred to be unseen. Dr. Cortez however, was a rare exception. He noticed the smallest things, which is why sometimes when I'd be having a bad day, he'd double as my therapist.

My mind was occupied by Normani, it was like her face was running rampant around my brain. I couldn't even think of Jake when she was on my mind and I was more than grateful for that. I thought about the motives of her request until it was time for me to clock out. I was halfway out the door when I heard a voice that sent chills down my spine.

"Hello, Lauren."

I didn't want to turn around, but I did anyway, it was like I had no control over my body. It was Jake, of course, he was leaning up against a brand new Mercedes Benz with a grey suit on, (my favorite grey suit at that) smiling like he'd just won a million dollars. My heart leaped and skipped a beat at the same time. The co-dependant side of me seemed to lurch towards him, making me trip over my feet. My brain was going haywire and I had to fight off every nerve to stay still.

"What do you want? There's a security guard just inside this entrance. So don't try anything," I hissed, covering up my inner turmoil. The one day I didn't have my taser, it looked just like a tube of lipstick.

He put his hands out and shook his head, "I'm not here to hurt you. I just wanted to see if you were okay."

The mere sight of him daunted me and with every passing second, the mental and emotional storm built up in strength. I stared at him with a blank face but I knew it was only a matter of time before he'd notice how I'd really felt.

"I'm fine, now leave. I don't want you coming to my job and don't follow me when I leave," My voice shook near the end. Part of me wanted to flee, part of me wanted to jump in his arms.

"Look, I'm making some changes, Lo. Real changes, I want to be better for you, and I will be better... for us. I know you don't believe me, but I am. I just want you to know that. I don't want to scare you, so I'll leave. But you left one of your journals at home, your songs... I know how much they mean to you. All the other stuff you left behind are just as you left them."

Jake sat the book down a few feet away from him on the sidewalk, "I'll just leave it here."

I looked to the book, then to Jake as he slowly walked to his car. I had to bite my tongue to keep from begging him to stay.

"I'll make this right, I promise. You're my wife and I love you," He smiled and got into the sports car.

"I love you too," I said back without even realizing. His smile widened and he waved as he drove off, leaving me standing there alone.

I don't know how long I stood there before I scooped the notebook up into shaky hands and walked to my car. I had made, or I thought I had made progress in breaking away from Jake, but with one quick conversation all the progress had gone to shit. I held myself together by a loose string until I made it home, as soon as I sat on the couch, I unraveled.

.

OMNISCIENT POV

Normani had arrived home a little earlier than usual and as she entered the apartment, she could see Lauren on the couch. While the Latina wasn't crying, she was visibly shaken and was blankly staring at the tv, which wasn't even on. It was easy for Normani to breeze past the younger girl, but halfway to her room, she remembered that she needed to make an effort.

Normani stopped herself and clenched her fists for a moment, as feelings of guilt and anger danced within her mind.

"Lauren, are you okay?" Normani spoke slowly then cleared her throat, it was hard as hell to get those words out, but she was making progress in her mind.

"No," Lauren shook her head and continued staring at the blank screen.

The scene seemed all too familiar to Normani, only this time, she barely able to lend the support she knew the younger girl needed, "Jake?"

Lauren's voice cracked as she nodded slowly, "Yea- I saw him."

Normani huffed in displeasure and the green-eyed girl glared at her.

"I didn't go see him, he just showed up when I was leaving work. I was trying Normani, I really was. He just came- supposedly to see how I was doing and to tell me that things were gonna change, but look at me. I'm a fucking wreck."

Lauren buried her face in her hands and Normani sat next to her, awkwardly patting her head, "I tried. I really did."

"I know you did," Normani said softly, continuing to pat her head.

"How can someone force themselves into my life and then ruin me like that?" Lauren whispered, her ears were tinged red but she relaxed a little more every time the older girl patted her head.

"Sometimes it takes a broken heart to shake us awake and help us see that we are so much more than what we're settling for," Normani said after thinking for a moment.

"Scrapes and scratches hurt less than this," Lauren said and wiped at her face forcefully, leaving streaks of red and stains of tears on her flushed cheeks.

"I'd still like your help with dinner, if you're up for it," Normani said and stood up once the green-eyed girl was done crying and her hand had gotten tired of patting her head.

"Of course," Lauren nodded and lifted her head.

"I'll get changed and then we can start," Normani said and walked off to her room quickly. When she came back out, Lauren was already in the kitchen, washing her hands and a cutting board.

"Shall we begin?" Normani asked and stood behind Lauren, waiting until she could wash her hands as well.

Normani at the moment was taking baby steps, so she couldn't hold a conversation with Lauren even though she'd try. So, she acted as pleasantly as she could. Dinner was eaten in silence, both girls had too much on their minds to speak.

After they had eaten Normani turn to the younger girl, "If you'd like, you can help me other times, or maybe I could help you."

"That'd be nice," Lauren said as they both walked into the living room, "Thank you."

Normani nodded, "Do you need anything else?"

"No, I can't ask you for anything more. I'm tired and I think I'll just watch tv and go to sleep."

"Okay, goodnight Lauren."

Lauren was still a mess, but for once, Normani had made things better instead of worse. It was a small step, but she hoped there would be others.