Dear Crushes

Chapter 2: Bryslin

So we met at church camp her name is Bryslin... oh my gosh she's flawless. But Bryce where's Kylea? I asked for her number she left me on delivered with Kylea I felt like I had to be the kid with all high A's to look smart! Play a sport and practice nonstop till I'm good so I'm popular. To talk to people so I seem cool and like I don't fall apart in front of people. Bryslin is fine with me being me. She actually cares, I'm not trying to be cool in front of her. We had to do a testimony in church about what we had learned. I'm a socially awkward person as you know so going up there was hard I did make everyone laugh for some reason. I talked and I was obviously very awkward but I came back and sat down in the pew by her and gave me a light pat on the back saying I did well. It was something Kylea never did. When I got into the church before the testimony she waved and said hi with enthusiasm like I'm good enough! I've always felt like if Kylea wouldn't love me no one would. At times I thought to myself should I just kill myself end my life? Soon after I got over Kylea I felt amazing but when I feel the love for her it was even better. We got real personal about God and how it's hard for me to open up for the fear being judged and how she just never judged me and just accepted who I was and she told me if I ever had any questions she'd be there to answer them. I asked her if she'd like to facetime she said she'd love to. I'm obsessing over her I know but I can't help it! She's everything I could ever want. It's hard to seem confident around her I get butterflies in my stomach every time I look at her. A day without her feels like an eternity but a day with her feels like flashes. Ever since I got back from church camp I don't care about games and having fun with friends all I want to do is be with her. How she makes me feel so marvelous. We went to Lili's house and swam we chatted a little. I'm not sure if it's obvious I love her but I do. I've tried to stop thinking this was another Kylea thinking I'd have a chance but it's not Kylea gave me ZERO mental support I would go weeks without talking to her but Bryslin all I want to do is love her. I'm hooked on her I'll never know it might just be God showing me that this is who I was made for who will guide me towards him. I might beclashing with something I had to conceal it and it would pile up where I would go days without human communication but I feel like I can spill everything to her and she sees me no different. I hate writing this I cry every time! I have known Kylea for two years and I got nowhere with God! I am as blind as a sheep can get I have no clue where I am but I feel like God made her for me to show me that look Bryce I do love you! here is someone beautiful and strong with me, she's intelligent, lovely, strong with me. I don't ever want to ruin it! it's the first time I feel like worth something like I'm not an accident that God didn't mean to make. I've been getting hell my whole lifeone fixation after another they leave me everytime. it's been a storm but she's the light that makes my day better.