The Love Code (BoyxBoy)

Moving On & Moving Out

We ignore each other the whole time and when we were finally out of the car and in the examiners room, she decided to break the silence that I had so soberly settled in to.

''Why?'' She asks me.

''Are you kidding me?'' I retort. ''Have you forgotten what just happened in the kitchen?''

''I'm trying,'' She pleads.

I bite my tongue in an attempt to not let anything malicious slip free from my lips. Because I'm at the end of my rope with her mood swings.

''I'd be lying if I told you that I've seen you try at all,'' I say to her.

''Steven that's not true, c'mon,''

''Me c'mon? Mariana we literally just got into it last week because I wouldn't sleep in the same bed with you. I told you that I wouldn't feel comfortable with it and you told me that I didn't give a fuck about your needs or our child.'' I remind her.

''And I apologized,'' She adds in quickly.

I laugh. A real fucking laugh because she has got to be kidding me.

''That's not even the point,'' I sigh out, ''Look, we just need our space from each other, okay? I'm always going to be there for you, alright? Just not under the same roof. If you need anything you can call me and I'll drop everything you know that.''

So, for the entirety of the rest of the appointment I got the cold shoulder from her. She wouldn't even let me touch her when we found out the gender of our baby.

I wasn't about to let her ruin my mood though.

I'm elated.

We left the doctors office without a word. And here we are now sitting in the car in front of our house.

''You know I'm not doing any of this to hurt you right?'' I ask her.

She rolls her eyes, reaching for the door handle. I grab her arm.

''I'm being serious, just listen to me okay? Have a talk with me.'' I say.

''I don't want to though. I want to know who wrote you that letter that you've been obsessing over for the past month. I want to know why it's so hard for you to throw that letter away, but so easy for you to throw our life together away. That's what I want.'' She says, climbing out of the car before I can get another word in.

I can feel the anger building in me before I even recognize the emotion. And the part that bothers me the most is that I'm more hurt than angry.

I don't know why it's so hard for me to throw that fucking letter away.

Yes, Mariana broke my trust so I cut her off. I ended our engagement and our relationship.

But this asshole, this asshole broke my trust and my heart. And left me yet again alone in a bed with nothing but a fucking piece of paper with rushed words scribbled on it.

So why can't I cut him off?

Why can't I just end this cycle of heartbreak that I'm so blindly putting myself through again?

Why can't I just accept the answer to those questions?

I start my car, driving off.

The fact that Harrison and Damien don't get along is still interesting to me. They both have their own opinions about each other, but in truth they're so similar I have no idea how they don't see it.

They're the only two people who are bold enough to tell whatever the fuck I need to hear to get my head on straight, no matter how I'll take it.

I haven't even looked at a bottle of alcohol since Harrison decided to shower me in it.