The Angel of Anxiety [A Supernatural FanFiction]

Chapter III - Free Fallin'

Twelve hours. The drive from Lebanon to Fairfax took twelve hours. Twelve hours of Sam and Charlie sleeping against the windows because they'd left at six the night before. Twelve hours of Dean being the only driver. Twelve hours of Leila crying in the seat beside him, and twelve hours of Dean not knowing how to make things better. Twelve hours of Dean knowing he couldn't make things better.

Dean saw the sign that they were entering Fairfax and turned to look at Leila in the passenger seat. They'd agreed before they left that Leila was going to have to give Dean directions when they reached the city and it was easier to do from the front seat. Castiel had gone to check on Gabriel and explore heaven—again—to try and see if there was a way to stop his grace leaking.

"Kid," Dean said softly. "I know this is tough but I need you to tell me where I'm going."

Leila drew in a deep breath. "Left at the lights."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Dean asked. His eyes felt heavy and he envied Sam and Charlie's ability to sleep. Dean almost felt bad about wishing for sleep as he knew Leila hadn't slept a wink either. He didn't blame her. "You don't have to. We can turn around."

"We're already here," Leila said quietly. "Go straight until you get to Langford Drive. Then turn right."

"You know this is a one-way trip," Dean said. "You'll never forget what you're about to see. Believe me."

"I can't forget it now, Dean," Leila said, she tapped her temple. "That bitch has been in my head for months. Even after Gabriel got rid of her." She was crying again; Dean kept his eyes on the road. "I can't get her out and she wanted to gloat. She wanted to show me just how messed up I am."

"You're not messed up, kid," Dean said. "This wasn't your fault."

"Whose fault was it?" Leila asked, her voice cracking from trying to hold back tears. "I said yes. It was my head she was in. They'd be safe if I hadn't decided that I'd made a mistake. If I were dead, they'd still be here. That's on me."

Dean swallowed hard. "It's not your fault."

"It's no one's fault but mine."

"Did you kill them?"

"What?"

"Did you kill them?" Dean repeated. "'Cause if your answer's no, it's not your fault."

"You know, you keep saying that," Leila said, "and it still doesn't feel true."

"I'm not gonna stop saying it."

"Can you?"

"Leila—"

"I don't need you to tell me what is and isn't my fault," Leila said. "That's not your job. Your job is to hunt the shit that goes bump in the night. Saint..." She drew in a shaking breath. "Saint Dymphna is a thing that goes bump in the night. When she's gone, I'll go back to Al."

Dean hit the brakes on the Impala so hard Leila thought she was going to fly through the front windshield. If it had been broad daylight, they would've been rear-ended. Dean looked at Leila with wide eyes. "Sorry."

Leila winced. "I take it you know her? You looked like you did when I mentioned her at lunch."

"Know her?" Dean asked. "She freakin' raised me. That's where Cas and Gabe left you?"

"They thought a friendly face would be nice, yeah."

"Son of a bitch."

"Did they do something wrong? Dean, I'm sorry—"