Blue

Acceptance

There was once a time
When I hated myself

Not because of how I looked
Or what people thought of me

But because of something that I was told was wrong
Disgusting
Unholy

My sexuality.

It is something that I cannot change no matter how hard I try
And it is not something I knew in an instant of being alive

It was new to me.

I had always been told to be a certain way.
Only like this, hate upon people who liked something different

I had been told since I was a little kid to hate upon gay people.
That I was only allowed to like boys
And that liking girls just, was wrong
And revolting
So she said.

So when I caught feelings for a girl, I was in denial

I had had plently of friends who weren't straight
Who liked only the same sex
Or who liked both sexes

And that didn't make them any less of the great and amazing person they were and still are

Yet, when I came out
The tables turned

And I was unholy
I was revolting

I didn't understand

I was still her daughter
Nothing had changed
I was still the little girl she raised

Still the little girl she took to church every Sunday
Still the little girl who knew her manners

Still the little girl who was oblivious to her reasons of hatred towards a sexuality

And once I learned that I could never be seen the same way in her eyes
I gave up

I didn't go to her for relationship advice
I didn't go to her when I was crying my eyes out over someone
I didn't go to her when I liked someone and made a fool of myself

All the memories that one would usually have with their mother during these years, were spent in locked bathrooms
Closed doors

For she would never understand the fact that love is love
And that even though I loved the same sex, it didn't mean that the love wasn't there romantically

Or that I could be heartbroken by that love

But, I came to terms.

I realized that I don't need approval of someone who won't whole-heartedly support me anyway

And that I don't need her to be loved and to love someone

Even if they are the same sex.

My sexuality is a key part of me.

And I don't wish to change it to meet someone else's standards

Because my happiness is not based on what others think of me

It is based on how I live
Who I love
My experiences
And the journey ahead.

Stay optimistic
And know, that it gets better
No matter how much time it takes, it will get better

And I hope that everyone can learn to accept and be happy with who they are

Because no one can change what makes you, you