What Would You Do for a Little Love?

Phone Calls

That Sunday afternoon, I found myself in my usual Sunday routine, reading the newspaper after lunch with princess resting her head on my foot. Call me old fashioned, but I somehow found pleasure in reading typed words sequenced on a dull, gray page, and learning about the world around me. I hoped to find some spark of positivity in this cruel world, but instead I stumbled upon all the depressing terrors occurring around me, like always.

"WATCH YOUR DOGS-Sheep Dog, known as Bob, dies of new disease scientists call, "The Daddy Doggy Disease" right after he fathered puppy litter."

Princess could never be a dad, so I didn't care.

"MISSING-Kirk Johnson-24-white-male-blonde hair-brown eyes, $2,000 reward.¨

Oh, that was a sad, I hope he gets found.

"Dad shoves newborn son in meat grinder because he, 'ran out of hot dog meat.'"

"Lucky kid, I wish I could be shoved into a meat grinder, be properly prepared and then have people feast on my flesh. Maybe then "my meat" wouldn't taste like soap and toenail clippings," I muttered to myself as I thought about what Madison and Gretchen would always make me aware of after every intense make out session.

I was halfway into the article when the sound of my phone ringing sucked me straight out of the story. I groaned as I looked at the caller ID blaring on the screen, "Mom." I thought about not answering, but then I thought about my mom filing a missing person's report, and I'll end up like Kirk Johnson, because without me, she wouldn't get as many more of her precious grandchildren. So reluctantly I answered.

"Hello?"

"Why hello my little Davey baby!" She beamed through the screen.

I cringed at the sound of that nickname being spoken by my own mother. I loved it when Stacey called me that, but my own mother...cringy.

"Um hi mom...w-what do you want?" I asked.

"Well, I was at the park the other day and there was a man there! Oh, he was so precious! So well dressed...looked very professional. Anyway, he did something really special! Can you guess what he did?"

I thought for a few moments. I thought about Kirk Johnson and the unfortunate kid in the meat grinder.

"Did he die?" I asked.

My mom scoffed loudly into the phone.

"Oh, David! Always thinking of the worst case scenarios! No, he did not die, he proposed! He proposed to his beautiful girlfriend! Well, fiancee now. Doesn't that sound wonderful?"

"Sure, good for him," I lied. I did not think it sounded wonderful at all.

"Well, him proposing made me think, maybe his mother and I can have something in common, better yet, maybe YOU and him can have something in common!"

I did not like where this was going. Ever since my dad died when I was around fifteen...or fourteen...she was never the same. She used to care about me as a person and support me through thick and thin, but now she would throw jeers at me at any opportunity she could. All she cared about was having grandchildren.

"He proposed, you can propose too! Come on, I bet Madison is just thirsty for that juicy proposal! Think about how pretty a ring will look on you and Maddie's fingers, and what your children would look like!"

"We broke up, mom," I said with a tiny lump forming in my throat.

"...What?" My mother questioned.

I repeated myself, not knowing how much more I had to clarify.

"We broke up, mom. Our relationship is no more...gone...poof," I clarified.