Unleashed

Chapter Twenty-One: Canvas

"Not only her, but Maria too! God, I'm such a moron. Why must I ruin everything?! No wonder Dexter hates my guts these days." There was a sadness behind his eyes as he internally beat himself up. I was beginning to see a pattern.

He mentioned that his parents never approved of him. He wasn't a bad guy. But perhaps he's been searching to feel wanted in all the wrong places. Searching for that acceptance that he never got from the people who raised him.

"I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again." He said bleakly. He was staring out the window and seemed to be trying to not get emotional. "The truth is if I wasn't so selfish, I would have done right by you and left you alone. Like Dexter told me too. But as usual I thought about what I wanted, and not about anyone else."

It broke my heart to see him this way. He was usually so cool and confident. But right now? He looked beaten down and helpless. I could see in his face how much he hated himself for choices he made in the past.

"I swear, if I could do it over I'd make different choices. Unfortunately, this is just something I have to deal with." He eyed me cautiously, a look of goodbye in his blue-gray eyes. "But Emma, you don't have to deal with this. I've disrupted your life enough already. I even made you lose your job." He cringed as he thought back to the chain of events that led us here. I quickly realized, he was doing the 'Emma thing.' Like Gina  said. He was blaming himself for each and every single thing that happened.

"First of all, you didn't make me lose my job. How the hell were you supposed to know she would do what she did with the camera and the video?" I took my hand and gently touched his face. He looked surprised by this gesture, and exhaled very deeply.

I couldn't help it. He looked so sad, and I wanted to comfort him. Besides, while he certainly didn't help the situation blaming him entirely was unfair.

"Second of all, my boss was a dick. He was a horrible sexist pig. I should have left that job a long time ago. I was never going to get anywhere with that company and I'm sure he would have found a reason to fire me eventually anyway." I was telling the truth, while still trying to make him feel better.

My old boss Carl  hated me for some reason I never understood. Not that the feeling wasn't mutual. I was tickled pink that I wasn't obligated to put up with his shit anymore. Though I had no idea where my life was going, I knew I was better off now than I was before.

"You don't have to be so nice to me, you know." He smiled at me, though something about his smile looked sad. "No one would blame you for walking away and never speaking to me again. In fact, it's probably in your best interest." There was hesitation in his voice like he was still afraid of that being a possibility.

"That being said, I can't bring myself to tell you to go. I want you to stay. Which probably just further proves how selfish I actually am." He sat back in his car seat and closed his eyes, looking defeated. Maybe I should be more upset with him, but I couldn't help but feel like maybe he needed me. He needed to feel like there was still someone on his side.

"It's no wonder my parents hate me. They probably knew I would be dumb enough to throw every last advantage I was ever lucky enough to be given away someday." I could be wrong, but I thought I saw him quickly wipe a tear away.

Ryker Fox

I felt humilated I had let myself get emotional in front of her. I would rather die than to have her see me as a weak man. I could only hope she didn't see the tear that had escaped my eyes. I hadn't cried in years, unless I was playing a character at the time.