External (Book 1&2)

27|A Way Home

We start our trek at sunrise, wanting to get back to the facility as quickly as possible. I feel awful that we are bringing such bad news back to the facility, but we will just have to figure out another solution to the problem.

William is the one who carries Jacob's bag on his stomach, all of us collectively not wanting to leave it here. No one has opened it yet, but I don't think any of us can get ourselves too. We thankfully have plenty of food still for the hike back, enough for Cayden as well, without using Jacob's supply. I mean, it didn't even take us two weeks to do our mission.

It doesn't take long before our feet surpass the cities edge. I look back up at the metal skeleton of skyscrapers once more, not knowing if I'll ever see them again. A part of me is sad to leave such a place, but I feel mostly relief. Relief that it'll all be over soon. I turn away and continue walking, not looking back again.

Our feet walk on the road, the familiar feeling of gravel under my feet is there again. Though, unlike before, I don't have Jacob to walk next to. Instead, I walk near William in the front. Marcus walks far away from me, I can tell he's still mad about my decision. The amount of guilt I feel is almost overwhelming, so I understand his anger. If I had just shown the bullet, maybe this wouldn't have happened. I bite my cheek to stop myself from crying, I just have to focus on getting home.

We walk pass tent city, but I don't look in it's direction. I can tell we are all speeding up as we walk pass it, especially Cayden. I wonder what will happen to Cayden once we get back to the facility, will the leaders take him? He hasn't been born on a floor, so which one would he go on? Maybe he wouldn't even be able to enter, but instead have to go off on his own. I hope that's not going to be the reality, Cayden helped us and risked everything to warn us. He deserves more than abandonment.

I stare at the ground beneath me as I walk, only looking up occasionally to make sure I don't run into anything. I don't want to meet anyone's gazes right now. I just watch as William's and I's feet move in sync next to each other. That is my form of distraction for now, making sure my feet move the same as his. It helps my mind go blank of thoughts.

We reach the rest stop before nightfall, though we still have hours left of sunlight, so we keep walking. On our way here, it took three full days of walking to reach the city and two nights. Now I think we could reach the facility in two days of walking and one night. Since, we aren't spending time relaxing or taking any breaks, it means we get farther during the day. We also seem to be walking faster, everyone must be wanting to go home as much as me.

I look back at Kevin shortly, noticing his mouth is curved downwards slightly and his eyes protrude sadness. He must be missing his family so much right now. I can't believe he was called onto the mission. No matter how good he is, it's not worth making him leave his family.

There are no building's around when the sun begins to slip down, so we make ourselves comfortable on the side of the road. Cayden starts a fire again and I relax next to a tree. Nobody talked today, but I guess no one has anything to say. I pull out my father's journal again, reading it next to the fire. I know I won't be able to sleep for a while, so I keep myself busy by reading tonight.

September 12th, 2172

This is my father's very last entry. The entry he made the day he died. I haven't read the rest of the journal, but I feel an urge to read the end. I bite the inside of my cheek in anticipation and worry. I hold the journal to my chest for a few moments, hugging it as I decide whether to read it or not. After a few moments I lift it and begin reading.

I'm not doing this to anger or upset anyone. I'm not doing this because I'm suicidal. I'm not doing this because I'm angry. I'm doing this because I'm ready. I've lived a fulfilling life and the pain in my chest, in my lungs, in my throat, it's all just too unbearable. I know I'm dying already.