Changes They've Made

Hating Yourself Is Never Good

Heather's worried expression is what stares at Dr.Mackinder during their session. Her mouth was just unable to help her speak, her mind being bombarded with fear and hesitation. Many things flooded her mind, and many things indeed. What if she said the wrong thing? What if she stutters too much? What if he thinks she's a coward?
Mackinder:I know what you're thinking right now, Heather. You're scared, aren't you?
Heather:Y-Yeah. I honest to god hoped this wasn't happening right now. I mean, I wish I had just stayed home that day and waited for Sam to get home. Then, maybe-
Mackinder:Heather, don't blame yourself. You've done enough of that. Your parents' behavior was inexcusable and down right unforgiveable. You had no part in it despite what they've obviously told you enough times.
Heather:But, that's not it. I didn't want to bring Sam and Nevin into this mess and now.... "tears streaming her face"
I really wish they didn't find out about my issues in the first place. I wish I found another way to get away from those people. If only I'd-
Mackinder:Heather, that's enough. See, this is your main problem. You put all the blame on yourself for things you didn't even do. Though, it is understandable.
Heather:"wipes the tears from her eyes", But, what if it was my fault? I mean, Sam's-
Mackinder:Don't worry about other people forcing you out of here, Heather. You should only worry about getting better at your own pace. If it makes you feel better, Sam doesn't blame you for what happened. But, she sadly blames herself instead. She wishes she went to the police and tried to get your parents arrested so that you didn't have that mental breakdown of yours.
Heather:Is she ok?
Mackinder:Yes. I have a feeling that she's accepted the fact that she hasn't brought this on you. Rather, it was your parents.
Heather:I mean, you guys aren't wrong. My parents regularly said I was always messing things up in their lives along with the fact they didn't want me in the first place. Which honestly confuses me as why didn't they just put me up for adoption? It wasn't hard.
Mackinder:Exactly. It still makes me angry how they did this to you, Heather. I'm sorry you've had such vile people to call mom and dad.
Heather:Its ok, Dr.Mackinder. If I'm gonna be honest with you, I've hated them. I've hated them for a long time. In fact, I've never really loved them to begin with. They were never really my parents, but, rather they were just a bunch of pricks who made my life a living hell.
Mackinder:Exactly. Well, you don't have to worry about them ever again, that's all I can say. Heather, what do you want more then anything other then to learn to value your importance?
Heather:Well, I wish I was with my friends right now.
Heather says as she began smiling and chuckling.
Heahter:I mean, we would cruse down many parts of town to get food, make fun of crappy movies we saw, and avoid getting in trouble. I mean, it was amazing.
Mackinder:Well, you're in luck.
The man says, his smile saying it all. Rustling and twitching on her bed, Jennifer's sleep wasn't a pretty sight to view due to the clear nightmare she was having. After a few more moments of rustling and shaking, Jennifer suddenly wakes up, panting and sweating as the nightmare was just too real for her. Taking quick glances at her surroundings, Jennifer took a few deep breaths exactly like how Dr.Mackinder showed her to. When she finished this process, the young girl made her way to her drawer where she grabs a photo. The picture in question is the same one Dennis has only with the picture being small enough to fit in her pocket. Her usual dose of sadness immediately came back into her consciousness due to the fact her mind stenches with regret and agony. Of course, Jennifer's trying to learn to not be so hard on herself but her mind can't help but conjure up thoughts about what could've been and what she could've done differently with her life. Leaning against the wall of her room, Jennifer was left alone with her negative thoughts for quite a while now, sighing as her thoughts of failure and self-blame wacked her with more guilt then ever before. It was only thanks to a note slipping into her compartment alerting her of her upcoming meeting with Dr.Mackinder that prevented her mind from going towards many more dark thoughts then she usually had. Getting up from her depressing scenery, Jennifer made her way to where Dr.Mackinder was, using this as the perfect opportunity to at least try to get her troubles off of her mind.
Mackinder:Ahh, Jennifer. Welcome.
Dr.Mackinder greeted warmly.
Jen:Hello, Dr.Mackinder.
Jen greeted in a tired, quiet voice laced with sadness. Sitting down politely, the meeting officially begins from there, Dr.Mackinder starting off the conversation with a direct question.
Mackinder:So, how's your day going?
Jen:I mean, it's nothing special.
Mackinder:Are you sure? Surely, something must've happened that would be interesting today.
Jen:Well... I mean.... I just...
Jen really didn't know how to put it into words. But, Dr.Mackinder surprisingly said it for her.
Mackinder:Are you still having thoughts of blaming yourself?
Jen:I.... I know its stupid. But, I just-
Mackinder:Jennifer, you're not responsible for the well being of your colleagues. It both theirs and our duty to make sure they can reenter the world with a safe and healthy mind. That being said, you need to focus on getting better for your sake.
Jen:I mean, I-
Mackinder:Before you start saying you don't deserve this, you do. Don't let your mother poison your young mind with her cruelty.
Jen's eyes open wide at that comment but not by much. She wasn't too surprised by this knowledge as the man knew what happened to her.
Mackinder:Do you regret killing your mother, Jennifer?
A long pause occurs between the two before Jennifer speaks on this issue. It was difficult for her, but even she didn't realize how much she wanted to end her life. But, she deserved it. She always deserved it.
Jen:No. I'm going to be honest with you, sir. I don't regret a single second of it. She got what she had coming to her.
Mackinder:I see. But, do you regret killing anyone else during your time as the Orphée Reaper?
Jen:Well, maybe I went a little overboard with a few of them. But, in my mind, they weren't worth being left alive.
Mackinder:That is understandable, Jennifer. So, how is your relationship with your team so far?
Jen:It's a process. I mean, we're not talking too much but we don't hate each other.
Mackinder:Well, that's a good thing. Is there anything else on your mind besides guilt and sadness? Maybe your thoughts are occupied by a certain someone?
A small smile escapes from his face as the young girl hides her embarrassment by explaining how she feels about who he's taking about.
Jen:Well, I mean, we've only known each other for so long.
Mackinder:Jennifer, you're clearly filled with joy over every time he visits. As well as the fact of how similar you two are, you clearly see him as a prime example of who you should be.
Jen:Yeah. I guess since we've all seen how they've dealt with their issues, I wish I did things like how he and the others did it. You know, with handling Fearmeister, the people like that little girl and that guy they helped steer in the right direction, and stopping us from becoming villains.
Mackinder:You weren't becoming a villain, Jennifer. All of you were just hurting inside. Yes, you did have the potential to do horrible things but you chose to at least try and help others. Despite your good intentions, however, the Macabre still left the city bombarded with fear.
Jen:I know.
Mackinder:Please understand this, Jennifer. You have a big chance at reformatting your life into how you want it to be. Its in your hands and your hands alone. Do you understand?
Jen:"nods in agreement" Yes, I do. Thank you, Dr.Mackinder.
Mackinder:It's my pleasure. Oh, and I have a surprise for you.
Jen:Really, what's that?
After being handed a card, this card being a big surprise for the young girl, Jennifer's mind was racing with a lot of ideas. But, glancing over to Dr.Mackinder's smile reassured her that this wasn't anything to worry about.