Say When

T H I R T Y - F O U R

"Bridget..." Jules said in exasperation. Her hand massaged her forehead like she was on the verge of the worst migraine she'd ever had. I stayed silent.

"And you knew about this? Who else is doing this?" She asked Yuri. His eyes grew wide with shock.

"No!" I interjected before he could respond, "It was me and me only I swear. No one else here did anything. No one knew." I explained.

"Why, Bridget?" Jules asked. She too was disappointed. Everyone in this room was carrying a load of disappointment and all lines led to me.

"I just wanted money for school," I said. It was pathetic. And it was a lie.

This had nothing to do with getting money for school. It had everything to do with getting Jax. Making sure that he felt secure in me and knew that I'd be there for him. Every part of him. The good and bad. I was willing to do anything for him to know that I could ride with him. It proved that I was woman enough. But sitting here I felt like that same little girl, standing behind my Father's leg, waiting to be pulled on the next adventure. To the next crisis. I was never in control. Not ever for a moment. But I could be now.

"I'll go in and tell the detective everything. I'm so sorry. I fucked up. I'm sorry." I remained upright. My back stiff and unwilling to bend. Not this time. I trained my eyes on Jules. I couldn't look at Yuri right now.

The skin on her round face was pale. This situation was sucking the life out of her right before my eyes. Her hand found her forehead again. The massaging resumed. She looked at Yuri. I followed her gaze and saw that he was looking at her. A look passed between them.

"Working with you kids is a gift and a curse. You guys bring so much energy and buzz to the place but y'all really do the stupidest shit. Excuse my language." Jules apologized to me. I frowned. I didn't think she'd ever need to apologize to me. For anything. Her saying "shit" versus me stealing from her customers? I won.

"This is a felony. " She wagged the skimmer in my direction, chastising me. The mention of the word felony caused my stomach to drop. I closed my eyes and tried to steady my breathing but behind my lids I saw me, in an orange jumpsuit, shackled at the waist, feet, and wrists. I was alone. And scared. Much like I felt now. I wondered if I'd get visits. Would my Dad come to see me? My Mom? Rita? Would they start off with consistent weekly visits and then forget about me as the years stretched on?

Jules' voice broke through just as I envisioned my cell and my bunkmate.

"I'm keeping these. And you can not work here anymore. I don't know what you were thinking! Don't be this girl." She pointed to the skimmers to punctuate her words. I nodded in agreement with every word she said.

"I won't be. I promise." I told her.

"If the detectives come back around, I'm telling them the truth, Bridget. I can't risk my business for you. But..." Jules paused and took a deep breath.

I looked at Yuri again but he was still just watching Jules. I realized he purposefully wasn't looking at me. My heart broke.

"But I'm not going to call them. Clear out the rest of your things." She said. I nodded and popped up quickly. I offered a litany of i'm sorry and thank you as I shuffled my way over to Yuri at the door. He folded his arms across his chest and stepped to the side to let me out.

I stepped out of the office and sucked in as much air as I could once I was out of the room. I breathed in too quickly, the room started to spin but I steadied myself and held onto the wall as I made my way to the break room. I stumbled inside.

The balloons and teddy bear were still there. Welcoming me back from the brink. I wasn't going to jail. I wasn't going to jail. I quickly grabbed the rest of my items that were left in the locker. I was afraid that if I lingered around too long she would change her mind. I slammed the door shut and left the room.

As I stepped into the hallway Yuri breezed by me toward the front doors. I doubled my steps to keep up with him.

"Yuri!" I called his name. His stride remained quick and the space between us grew. He was through the front door. I reached the opening just in time for it to slam in my face. I pushed through and looked down the block to see him nearing his car.

"Yuri!" I broke into a jog and reached him as his hand rested on the handle of the driver's side door. I leaned against it to stop him from pulling the door open. He still said nothing. Not a word. Just crossed his arms over his chest and looked at me.

"I...I..." I stuttered. I expected him to yell. Tell me to go away. Call me out as the fraud I was. Stupid. Anything at all. But his silence was deafening.

"I know I really fucked up. I'm so sorry I did this to you, Yuri. I was so stupid. It was just that Jax--" I rambled. The mention of Jax's name broke him out of whatever mute state he'd gone into.

"No. What you're not going to do is sit here and blame this on him. This is you, Bri. All you." He nodded like he was coming to an epiphany--about me. I feared it was the wrong one. I wanted desperately for him to not know this Bri. I wanted him to keep the Bri I was with him at the forefront of his mind.

"I'm sorry," I told him. It was all I could manage.

"Move away from my door, please?" He asked, scratching a spot above his eyebrow in annoyance. He'd never looked at me that way.

I reluctantly stepped to the side. He popped the door open and slid inside. Cars whizzed by me on the tight street. I moved out of traffic and onto the sidewalk. But I didn't want him to go. I reached for the passenger side door but he swung the car into traffic cutting off an oncoming car. I screamed and waited for the crashing sound of metal on metal but it didn't come. The driver braked in time to avoid him. He blared his horn, his mouth cursing obscenities at Yuri. But Yuri was looking at me. In a deeply crushing way that made my knees buckle. I folded in on myself right there on the sidewalk.

Too pitiful to watch. Yuri hit the gas again. His car was swallowed into the flow of traffic a minute later. I stood there. Looking around the sidewalk. An emotional mess but trying to hold it together. I thought about calling Rita but I realized I just really wanted to be alone. I walked to the end of the block and descended the stairs to the train station to start the ride home.