Sunrise

Chapter 11 - Destination Despair

After all the shit with Thibo, Alexis, and hearing about Bianca's sister, I decided to check on my own baby sister. Ella was off living the college life, 8 hours from California... with my ex; her boyfriend now. It's... complicated.

I plopped down on my bed with my laptop and fired up the Coast2Coast app. After a few long moments, my baby sister's sleepy voice emitted through the speakers.

"H-hello?" She muttered with a mix of mild irritation and exhaustion.

"Ellie, hi!" My voice contrasted her tone, sounding downright retail by comparison, "Did I wake you? What time is it over there?"

"Uh... a little after 10AM, I think?"

"School today?"

She didn't respond for a bit, then stated "No, I haven't started yet. I'm currently trying to find a job."

"How's that going?" I asked.

"Eh." was all she could mutter out.

I couldn't help but laugh. Talking with Ella is always like this, short and clipped. Even though I've known her all her life, it's her way. That is, unless the discussion is about something she's interested in.

"So how are you and Wolfie doing?"

"We're fine." My sister replied with a yawn, a subtle reminder of my disturbance.

A small, worried smile crept across my lips. I wasn't sure if that were true, or she didn't want to say. I know Wolfgang doesn't want me involved in their relationship, or tell Ella things she should go to him for, but part of me still wants to be in his life, at least a little bit. I know him better than anyone and vice versa, but being a distant "just friends" feels wrong.

I should have listened.

I want Ella to be happy.

I want him to be happy.

But I wanted to have my cake and eat it.

I really am pathetic.

"Isn't it super late over there?"

Ella's soft voice broke me from my depressing thoughts. "Yeah," I muttered and glanced at the time on the screen, "It is. I guess I should go to sleep. Work tomorrow and all that."

"Ok, bye Erika." She replies curtly, telling me to cut things short.

"Bye Ellie, I miss you." I respond, a little melancholic that I miss my sister so much.

"Same, I miss Mom and Dad too. I'll talk to you later." Another terse reply. That melancholy suddenly grew within me, making it hard to swallow the lump in my throat.

"Ok." I utter.

"And Erika?" Ella's voice is quiet, softer than before. "I'm sorry about what happened with Grant."

Sleep didn't come easy that night, I think I was up 'til 5 when sheer exhaustion overtook my racing mind and everything else. It was after lunch when my body willed itself back into the waking world, and yet I felt utterly, abysmally exhausted; not from a lack of sleep, but just from life. I didn't even feel like eating, even though I knew I was starving. Instead, I sat up and gazed at the outside world: fog. Always fog. Even if the city is sunny and warm, Daly City is usually encompassed by a thick layer of cold, grey gloom. And I hate it; it's a physical reminder of what's going on in my mind, with no end in sight.

Without a moment of hesitation, I ripped my keys off the nightstand. I need air, clarity, anything to get me out of my house and out of my own head.