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Chapter 23 - Dreams And Fresh Tears

What did she do to him...?
Rye's POV
When his breathing became slower, I knew he was sleeping. His eyes were closed so I couldn't see the calming ocean in them, his mind was in a different universe and his thoughts were turned into dreams. And there was I, alone again, with the silence all around me, his quiet snores being the only sound in the room. Tears slowly filled my eyes as the thought of her appeared in my head, she was everything to me, she was my friend, then she became my best friend and before we knew what was happening she became a lover. She is beautiful, strong, amazing and far away from my heart... the thing we did was the most stupid thing two people can do. We lost ourselves trying to make the other person happy, but we couldn't because we weren't meant to be and everything ended. All of the kisses, the warm hugs, the quiet cuddles... everything is gone, I can't say that I didn't love her, I did love her, I loved her so much but just not enough. I loved her in a way that she didn't.

She loved me in a way that two people feel a connection between them, the tension when they are naked, kissing each other and just waiting for the moment to start, I didn't have that love for her and she did. That split us apart. I was the problem not her, she would never be a problem. And when she understood that I can't love her in the way she wanted me to, she just left. She left me like my parents did, she left like everyone does. One piece of my heart then fell away and never came back. It will never come back because it faded away years ago, so many years ago.
A little tear on my cheek brought me back to reality and I was once again in the little broken room. Since I brought that up, Andy wants me to go with him and live there but I'm scared. Of course I freaking want to, it's just that, I'm not like his parents, or friends, or like him. I can't just go there with the thought that I'm a failure and be happy living with him.
I looked at Andy's sleeping figure, he looks gorgeous even with closed eyes. But I will hurt him sooner or later.

I can't have him because if I do, it will hurt even more. I just want him to be happy, I want his cute smile to be as bright as possible, I want his eyes to shine like the sun every time he looks at me, I want his voice to fill the whole room and never stop being in my head. I want him... but I can't have him. Suddenly I felt really tired, like my body wanted to sleep but my mind didn't let me. It wanted to keep me awake and make me regret everything I've done, every bad disition I've made, remember every person that has left me. My heart started beating faster as I started breathing heavier, I was losing it, I was losing control again, over my body, over my mind, I started losing control over myself. Then a warm hand dragged me back to reality by caressing my chest lightly. My eyes were close from fear but his touch made me open them. He was there, smiling softly at me, his eyes calming me down and then his sweet angelic voice being like a sweet lullaby for my ears. I was hearing him but I couldn't understand him due to my heartbeat, which was banging loudly in my head.

I closed my eyes again because I was tired of trying to fight it, but then he started singing something, something very quiet, but loud enough to make me smile. He then wrapped him arms around me again, put his head on my chest and continued singing the sweet melody. Then I slowly gave myself to the comfort and fell asleep.
This strange buzzing noise woke me up from the dream I had. It was about someone, I don't know, because he had a black mask mask and black clothes on. He looked like a shadow, lost in his own world, he looked like me. I tried to reach him, I tried to grab his hand and throw the mask off his face, but he was like a rainbow, because you know as close as you get to where the rainbow seems to touch the ground, it moves as quickly as you approach. And he was like that, he was moving fast, I was running after him, chasing him, trying to find him but then he disappeared like he was never really there.
Then in the dream I turned around and there he was Andy, this beautiful, kind, loving boy who wants me to be happy...

He has no idea what I have been though, he can never know what situation I was in when I had no one, and I don't want him to know, I want him to be safe and happy, with me he won't be either of them things. The good in the dream was that we were together, living happily, smiling, laughing, loving each other, we were happy like normal people, I was truly happy because he was there with me, I was happy because he never left me. But then that same noise brought me back to the real world again. I stood up in the bed to see that Andy wasn't there, the terrifying thought came into my mine. 'He ran away.' I felt my eyes slowly beginning to water. No Ryan stop! You are stronger than this. I held the tears as always, pushing them further into my heart and loving them in. I slowly stood up and turned the light on. The buzzing noise was still there, I looked around just to see Andy's phone on the cupboard buzzing like mad. His mother was calling him, I grabbed the phone and turned it off. Wait if his phone is here then he must be here too right?

Please say he didn't run away...