Speechless- B*BARNES

031. Coping and Confessions

"I get it. Is this to help Theo or something?" Bucky asked.

"Pretty much." Gemini answered. "It's my way of coping. It's a good way too."

"It's quite impressive, I wouldn't be able to think of this. How exactly is it good for coping?" Bucky was curious about how this helped, hoping to get some help himself.

"It let's you rant and get rid of all the feelings and stress or depressing thoughts you've been feeling during the day, week, month, year, decade etcetera." Gemini explained simply before going into her own personal experiences. "My way of coping's been this for a while. I started when I was a teenager. It was during a particularly rough part in my life, I hadn't found a way to cope with my anxiety that helped, the ones the therapists suggested never worked. My anxiety was getting worse, at least two maybe three attacks a day, the stress just piled up. With school, family and appointments it got so bad. Therapy wasn't helping and it was pissing me off so I stopped going - thinking that it was the problem - but it was still really bad. It was Joe who suggested I write my attacks, my feelings and emotions down - whether it be a few lines, words or seven pages. He told me his cousin went through it and her's was really bad at one point and so she began trying to find different ways of coping. She found writing as a good one and continued to do it after. She told Joe it really helped her. I started doing it and it did. It felt like I could write away everything I was feeling, any bit of stress, depression, anger: I'd right it down and it really helped through that time. I've been doing it ever since." (*A/N: I know that there are different coping mechanisms for anxiety but this is just one that I knew really well and that I personally use when I go through some shit that I need to calm myself down after. It really helped me through a particularly shitty time a few years ago xx*)

Bucky was beyond impressed at the coping mechanism. "That's actually really smart, creative too. Just like you." Gemini smiled, blushing slightly at his compliment. "I should try it some time. Just need a notebook I can carry." 

Gemini looked up before holding up her index finger telling him to wait before disappearing. She came back in holding a small brown journal. She placed it in Bucky's lap - it was pocket sized. "That should do it."

Bucky looked up at her. "Are you sure, what if you run out?" Gemini laughed.

"I've got a closet full of them, empty and full. You can have it." Bucky's eyes widened at the statement before thanking the girl, hugging her. He was overwhelmed by Gemini's kindness. He had seen how much she cared for her friends and family, he though it was really selfless of her.

They sat there for a moment, discussing different coping ways for panic attacks and anxiety, Gemini showing her - quite large - knowledge on the subject. After the surprisingly long conversation, the pair went silent, just scrolling through what to watch on Netflix.

"Anytime I'm on Netflix I end up just re-watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S episodes." Bucky laughed slightly, his hand moving his hair from his eyes as Gemini actually found a different show she hadn't seen in a long time. Prison Break. She pointed it out to Bucky. "I used to watch that with my brother at three in the morning every night when we were younger. Now that was a fun time."

Bucky smirked before taking the remote, clicking on the show, reading the description aloud. "You have a range of TV shows as well." He stated. Gemini nodded as Bucky clicked play on the first episode.

Gemini lay down on Bucky's legs, her hair sprawling all over his lap. Bucky got distracted by her hair, messing with it. "Your hair is so curly." 

Gemini nodded looking up. "It's annoying but I do like it...It does look like springs though." Bucky chuckled, brushing his hand through it, fairly quickly.

"I like it. It's cute. Makes you unique." He complimented.

"Beside the obvious fact that I can't speak." She reminded. Bucky shrugged before nodding. "Thank you though. If it means anything, I like your hair too. I like how it's still long after everything."

Bucky smiled before turning his attention back to the TV screen. Gemini however didn't. She continued to look at Bucky's reaction to the show she had liked for a long time. He thoughts drifted to Bucky. She examined his features, face and body. She found it nice how much confidence he had grown around the woman, being able to show off his metal arm to her without hiding it with a shirt. She had found herself sometimes, tracing the new patterns on the arm with her eyes, sometimes her hands. She extremely loved the company she had encountered ever since the accident at her apartment.

She had a sense of thankfulness towards the accident because if it hadn't, she would've never had met the majority of the Avengers and wouldn't have become friends with many of them. She definitely wouldn't have met Bucky, somebody she had started to feel something she hadn't felt for a while towards.

Gemini reached her hand up, gliding it over Bucky's unshaved face. He smiled before looking back down to Gemini. She sat up soon after looking him in the eyes. She continued to mess with Bucky's beard making him laugh slightly. "Are you having fun?" Gemini nodded, Bucky chuckled as a reaction. "You're so pretty." He blurted out by accident. He suddenly realised what he did by Gemini's blush. "Shit, sorry. I didn't mean to say that out loud."

Gemini shrugged it off. "It's fine, Buck. You're okay. If it helps you're very handsome too." Bucky thanked the woman.

"I just said it because --" Bucky cut himself off suddenly before shaking his head. "Never mind. I'm- I'm gonna go find Steve." He added quickly before standing up and beginning to walk away. 

Gemini wanted to shout after him. She knew she couldn't so she grabbed her phone and began typing. "Bucky wait!" It said loudly. He turned around as Gemini stood in front of him. "If it helps..." She knew what he going to say. Her moves were quick in reaction. She placed her hands on either side of Bucky's face before bringing his lips to hers in a gentle kiss. 

Bucky was so surprised at first he didn't kiss back. Soon the shock dissipated and he kissed back, snaking his arms around her waist. They were stood there for a moment, kissing.

Gemini was the one to pull away first. "I like you too." She smiled just before walking away, leaving Bucky stood there, slightly struck from shock and a feeling he hadn't experienced fully before.

Love.

-----♔-----

I hope you enjoy this chapter

I've always been extremely bad at putting kissing scenes into words but y'know

Ya girl's gonna try anyway because she that kinda gal 😊

We also got them Gemini, Bucky kiss

How we feeling????

The next chapter will be out soon

Kayla Lou xxx