What We Want, What We Get (a boy x boy novel)

Chapter Thirty - I Knew You (Epilogue)

I call Sander (the assistant director) and let him know I will likely be leaving tomorrow instead of Friday to go see my family back home, especially because I have no idea when I will get to be home next. Sander sounds pissed for a second but says it's fine, but I only get a week off. And this week is literally my vacation for the whole year. Love being an intern.

We discuss details more when I get to the office an hour later, as I'm still expected to be on some of the business calls and design committee's while back in America. I told him that should be fine, especially because their meetings are usually later in the day in France, and it'll be morning by me. I pack up my computer and some of the final sketches for the committee meeting next week to debut and spend the rest of the day filing more paperwork and booking a last-minute flight back to the good old USA. If I didn't love my sister and wanted to see the new edition to the family, I would have kept my $500 and bought her kids toy instead of this flight.

As I fall asleep later in the day, I reminisce about what life was like when we lived back home. All the fun times, the dark times, the lies, deceit, joy, all of it. All of the people that made my life both heaven and hell, all of those experiences I look back on now and am thankful for. Because they all made me who I am today, which is really powerful when you think about it. My old therapist would have been proud of that breakthrough.

I think about the summer Caroline broke her bones, the New Year's Eve party where all of my exes attended, the chlamydia scares, the first time me and Reece had sex in my room the day after graduation, Jayna's really toxic ex-boyfriend, high school, Alice, and then I think about the most important aspect of it all. Paul.

I haven't seen or heard anything about Paul in the last four years. The last time I physically saw him was the summer before I moved to New York, and then after that it was just stories from Caroline about his life, until even she didn't know what happened to him. Last last thing I was told was that his dad got into a serious car accident and had to be pried out of the car, but Paul wasn't seeing his parents or communicating with them, so I'm not even sure what any of that meant to him. I am curious about how he is and where he's at.

I open my Instagram and search him up. The last photo he posted was from Sacramento a good two years ago. He still had those eyes that melt you, but he looked aged, damaged by life a little bit. A lot of shit went down when I knew him, and probably more when I didn't. I'm tempted to reach out and see how he's doing, but something in me holds me back. You haven't seen him in years, he probably has no idea who you are anymore, plus let's not forget all of that shit from when we were 17.

I actually did forget, until I couldn't. then for the rest of the night those moments flooded my brain. I've lived so much more life after those moments but remembering them all brings me right back to when I first felt them. The confusion, the hurt, the love, the ache. All of it.

23 April, USA

"I can't believe you're back home! I've missed you so so so much it's not even funny!" Caroline screams when she opens the door with a fresh cup of orange juice, she basically spills on herself. She hugs me so tight, and that alone feels like home.

"I've missed you too, you have no idea!" I say back as I walk in the apartment.

Caroline and her boyfriend recently moved in together, and while the space is not at all large, it is cozy for a couple. Photos everywhere, bright colors, and candles galore. I'd honestly rather live in here than a mansion if I'm being honest. He's away at work when I get there.

"Do you like it? I know it's not big, but it's the best we can afford between our jobs." Caroline admits.

"I love it, honestly. It feels very you." I say honestly. Before I can continue, I see a photo with all of the original gang from high school; it was the summer before senior year, and we were in the park at like 2am for no reason. I can't believe she kept it after all this time. I immediately go to pick it up.