Revolt

7. Art Of Criteria

“Nice people don’t necessarily fall in love with nice people.” – Jonathan Franzen.

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…and that’s perhaps, the most fascinating thing about the social arts. Any man or woman, could build a criteria for developing feelings for the opposite sex, all they want—but the truth is, most of the time they don’t control it. It’s not that we as humans have zero control over our hormones, that we would fall in love with a rat for instance, without seeing it coming but there is only a level of control we have over it, and certain tastes that influence our preferences. Any person could have a type, in which they use in filtering out potential romantic partners but chances are, they’d come across a bunch of people, who don’t necessarily meet that criteria but because they are tasteful enough, are desirable also.

I very much like to use food in this analogy. You have a favorite meal, with certain ingredients that you love over every other thing in this world. But surely, definitely you’d stumble across another meal someday, that’s nothing like you’ve ever had, and because it’s so delicious—you’d lose your head over it, and it’d become your most favorite thing. Saturated pleasure could set in, and your preference might revert back to your original favorite food, but for that short moment—you’re all about that meal and nothing else in particular.

In essence, people have types and date a lot of people that fit into said criteria, but times will come when they would be willing to compromise said types, for something they deem worthy and because this is the social arts, they might not always revert back to their original preference. It could go either ways, depending on the person and the root of the feelings.

Some people fall in love, with people that don’t meet their criteria, because said people are refreshing. E.g. A woman, coming out of a suffocated marriage and falling head over heels, with a liberal man with a new perspective of life, in contrast to her ex’s conservative and sometimes, imposing mindset.

Some people also fall in love, with people outside their type criteria because they are something new, something daring, something adventurous. They say, opposites attract and that’s only because a lot of people, are attracted to intriguing things they don’t have in themselves and so, when they see the next person that has it, and it’s all cool, then it’s something to lose their head for.

An example is a girl from the country side, and a Christian home who has been drilled multiple times, to abstain from sex until marriage, and only encourage sexual relationships with prim, and proper men. Yet, said girl meets and falls in love with a playboy or a serial charmer. Whether she resists or not, or caves into temptation to heed the man’s glaring wants, she is inevitably drawn to him and is very vulnerable.

Why? It’s because this man, is like nothing she’s seen before. He is daring, adventurous and exudes a dangerous charisma, that although terrifies her, mesmerizes her also, because no man has made her feel this way. While the basis of attractions like this, are usually short-lived, nothing is for sure exactly.

Now the big question? What can a person do, when held captive by feelings like this? The most logical thing to do is to test the basis of said feelings. To ascertain, whether it’s grounded and solid, or simply an infatuation. How do you do this? Indulge. Date the person or befriend them, but exercise severe caution so you don’t get lost in it. Get close to them in some way, so you’d get to understand and know them better, than you do from a distance.

After all this, after knowing their pet peeves, after knowing their likes and dislikes, lifestyle and all, perception of life and everything else that defines them, if after all this and your feelings haven’t faded or turned off by something you find appalling in them, then it’s something solid and worth throwing your criteria away for. But if it isn’t, then stick to your criteria and move on. After all, said criteria was made for your best benefits.