bad expectations | jfg

22

I see him shuffle around on his feet and I know he has a condom in his head. The first thing that comes into my mind is if I should do it, but I have no idea how. Maybe next time I will, I'll watch this time.

How many girls have done this? How many girls have put a condom on him and done this exact thing same thing? Did he have the same mindset?

No. He's never loved anyone before me, no one.

"Hey," he whispers and suddenly places his warm hand on my thigh. I didn't even see him move closer to me so my mind must be completely clouded. "I'm all yours, no one else's," He seems to read my mind.

I slowly nod and pick at my finger nails, he stands back up and continues to unwrap it slowly, staring at each curve of the packaging, I know his mind is racing with different thoughts.

He leads his own hands to himself after he figures that I'm not going to help this time. When I see him completely bare with the transparent thing at the top of him, butterflies hit the walls of my stomach. His fingers roll it all the way down, and I look up at him. His eyes are completely focused on his own hands with his jaw flexed to a point, I begin to wish that I rolled it on. It's pretty obvious how to do it. I'm so stupid.

He then flicks his eyes back to mine and the fire rebuilds at the bottom of my stomach. He lightly gestures for me to lay down and as soon as I do, he hovers over me and I lose breath like I always do. I slowly blink, just because I don't necessarily believe that this is real. I notice the concern comes to his face but his brown eyes are somehow filled with innocence and content, I don't understand how he can look cute at a time like this. I probably look like a mess.

He brushes our noses together, "you really want to do this? With me?" He asks. Our eyes are only inches apart and this contact we're holding is making me feeble.

I slowly nod, infatuated as his hot breath runs along my lips.

His hand trails down to his shaft and more butterflies fill my stomach as I feel the condom brush against me, oh my God. I bite my lip out of nerves and he kisses my mouth.

I like that his face is so close to mine, it makes me feel safe.

It seems as if he's teasing me and himself as he moves the condom up and down. I don't know how it feels but it doesn't feel like how his fingers do, it's not even in me yet but it feels like it's going to hurt.

"It's going to hurt, you have to tell me if you want me to stop, okay?" I don't think I've ever heard his voice like this, so strong but at the same time it's full of nervousness.

I should be more nervous than him, he's done this a thousand times.

I push those thoughts in the way back of my brain, the girls in his past are just that, his past. I'm his present and hopeful future, this is his first time making love.

I nod again, there's no way I can speak in a state like this, I'm complete mush under his perfect body.

He looks at me for a least ten more seconds and I begin to grow anxious. I hope he goes slow, I know he probably doesn't want to, but I hope he does for me.

Pain shoots up my body and my eyes squeeze shut as I feel him push into me, "Ah.." I groan, my eye brows pull together. Holy shit, it's happening.

Jacks eyes immediately look down at our connected bodies, "fuck." He moans.

My squeezed eyes flutter open to his face, his jaw is tight, his eyes shut, his bottom lip is in between his white teeth, I almost lose my breath as I watch him.

His eyes open, and stare intensely into mine, "are you okay?" He says slowly and completely uncontrolled.

There's a huge bubble in my throat and I'm not sure if I want scream or cry, so I keep my mouth shut. Knowing I don't want either of those.