bad expectations | jfg

06

"Where are we even going." I whine as I sit on the left of Mallory in Jack's car.

"Let's go to the lake." Johnson suggests and my eyes widen

"The lake? Have you guys forgotten it's two am and I don't have a swim suit?"

I'm incrediably grumpy and annoyed and I don't know why I left my house, I should have stayed back. 

Sammy turns his head behind the passenger seat and looks at me like I'm being ridiculous, "Either skinny dip, or swim with your clothes on. I vote for option number one, but, your preference, not mine." He wiggles his eyebrows. I roll my eyes

My gaze travels to the drivers seat, where Gilinsky is. I rake my eyes over his profile, unconcerned. My mind trails back to my faded dream. I can't help dreams, I can't control them, if I could I sure wouldn't want to dream about Jack Gilinsky saying he loved me.

What even was it about? That's so, eh, gross. He's so gross. He's so mean.

We arrive at Cunninghem lake, which isn't that far from where we live. The boys jump out of the car and race as fast as they can down the sandy hill, I see the shadows of their shirts fly off and look at Mallory.

She has something in her eyes, begging me to agree to swim so she can be with Jack.

I roll my eyes as I give up, I get out of the car and see that Mallory must have had time to put on cute short shorts and a nice pink fleece before getting out of her house, she looked very put together for it being 2 in the morning. Me on the other hand, had no time to change anything. I was wearing over sized basketball shorts with a t shirt, I looked like complete shit.

Mal sprinted down the hill while I walked. I heard splashes, screams, and laughs already. A few nervous thoughts scattered around my head for God knows why, but I couldn't kick them out of my body.

I reach the end of the long hill and see Mallory only in her bra and underwear while the boys have their shirts off but their basketball shorts still on. The strong moonlight reflects on the water which makes the only light.

I sit on the end of the sand and look at the long lake, not exactly wanting to go in the water. If I were, I would have to take off my pants and be left in my underwear. I'm not skinny like Mallory, I'm very far from what anyone wants and I get uncomfortable in situations like this. Not like I've ever been put into one, but, ugh. 

"Taylor!" Sammy calls after pushing Johnson under the water

My head turns to him, "What?"

He looks at me with wide eyes before putting a finger up and signaling to go in the water.

I shake my head slowly. He rolls his eyes, "Why not?"

"I'm tired." I state even though I'm not really anymore, the night air has definitely woken me up.

Jack's head turns my way before he moves his legs through the water past Sammy, He kicks his foot and little sprinkles of the cold water land on my warm skin. I jump off the ground onto my feet. His laugh fills my ears and I look at him with my eye brows raised.

I give in for what seems to be the thousandth time tonight by removing my shorts.

Sammy watches my every move before smirking just to get me annoyed. I step one foot in the cold water and quickly take the other steps to try to get used to it. My hands rub up and down my arms as I look at Mallory and Johnson, farther away from us. Floating as close as they can manage to each other, as she talks he looks at her with such amazement and content in his eyes, as if she had to be the most beautiful thing in the entire world. I look down to my feet in the clear water in shame, simply because that will never happen to me.

I snap out of my thoughts as a wave of water hits my already freezing arms and hair. My mouth falls open and I turn towards Sammy as him and Jack share the guiltiest smiles.

I scoop my short arms under the water and lift them up fast, trying to get both of them at the same time. They don't react, considering they're already soaked.

"I don't think they have to make out every time were together to be honest." Jack states, raking his fingers through the water.

I nod and Sammy shrugs, "At least he has a girlfriend."

Jack spits a laugh as he lays his back against the water, floating with his eyes to the sky.

"No one should be tied down to one person. Takes away freedom." Jack says

He's so intolerant. So close minded. I roll my eyes to myself and play with the end of my wet shirt.

"I have to piss." Sam says

"Piss here?" Jack says

"No don't piss here." I cut in, the last thing I want is for Sam Wilkinsons pee to be floating around my body

My head turns to Jack and his eyes are still on the little stars above our heads.

I wonder what goes on in his head when his eyes are like that, so big and full of simple wonder. He walks around like he's full of negativity but bad things can't be the only thing he thinks about. I wanna know what makes him happy, considering I'm usually the reason he gets mad.

"I know what happened." I blurt and my eyes widen in shock as of why my mouth opened without me wanting it to.

I see Jacks eye brows pull together and his head tilts up to see me, "With what?"

"Um," I hesitate, considering if I should try to repair myself, "With Cooper."

His eyes change in someway, he stops floating and stands on his feet, making the water go slightly above his shorts.

"Sammy told you?" He asks

I disconnect my eyes from his determined ones before nodding.

He takes a breath of annoyance, as if he thought I never was going to eventually find out.

"But why did you," I struggle, "Think you had to help me?"

I mentally punch myself for bringing this up in a conversation, I somewhat wished I had left the subject alone but it had been bugging me since Sam told me.

The little happiness in his eyes disappear and fill with annoyance, something stings knowing that I always make that switch happen.

"Well I didn't want you to get raped?" He snaps as his eye brows pull together

"I know lots of girls have gotten raped at parties before, and I know you've just walked past it. You could've just left me." I say. Now I'm completely lost at what point I'm trying to get at.

He looks at me like I have six heads, "okay. Next time I'll leave you to get screwed by a really fucking ugly guy." He curses in a harsh tone and my shoulders shrink from his mouth.

He sighs again, "Sorry."

As the simple word comes out of his mouth my eye brows scrunch together and I don't hide the confusion in my face as I look at him.

I hear Sammy splash through the water beside us and I look towards him, he looks at me and Jack and I can tell by his eyes he feels the tension between us.

Sam rolls his eyes as if this has become a routine, I hope it ends soon.

_____

At 4 am, I was the one who admitted it was getting late and that we should go home.

We hopped into Gilinskys car and started to drive, my house was the last stop and the car ride that only had the two of us in it consisted of amazing music and me taking too many glances at him.

What is with me looking at him all the time? Is he that good looking? I think I've come to my own admittance that he is attractive, right? Yes. That's a normal way to feel.

As Jack drove down the street a figure stood in my driveway. I squinted my eyes to get a better look, Jack slowed down as he saw who it was.

"Shit." He whispered as my mother came into view.