dumbasses: a queen group chat fanfic

chapter nine: freddie the babysitter

friday, 8:32pm

stop making fun of roger

freddielovescats: HELP

rogahtaylah26: deaky dont make the help! joke again or u get the stabbo

brianisnotapoodle: whats wrong freddie

freddielovescats: im babysitting my neighbors and their bitchass dog fucking BIT my pinky owwwwww

discodeaks: oof

freddielovescats: bro im bleeding ahhhhhh

rogahtaylah26: then put a bandaid on it duh

brianisnotapoodle: no fred u need to clean it then put on a bandaid

freddielovescats: fuCK IT BIT ME AGAIN

rogahtaylah26: just fucking run leave the children behind

freddielovescats: IT WONT STOP BARKING SHIT ITS SO LOUD

brianisnotapoodle: freddie i need u to chill out and go clean where the dog bit u

discodeaks: but is the dog cute

freddielovescats: WHO FUCKING CARES ITS A LITTLE SHIT THATS WHAT IT IS

discodeaks: send pics

freddielovescats: HELL NO IM NOT SENDING PICS I DONT WANT THAT LIL BITCH IN MY CAMERA ROLL

brianisnotapoodle: did u clean where the dog bit u

freddielovescats: yes i did and i put a hello kitty bandaid on it to remind me of my cats

rogahtaylah26: r u good now

freddielovescats: well my hand hurts like hell, the kids are brats, the dog is satan reincarnated, and its a little humid out but other then that im GREAT

rogahtaylah26: well someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed

freddielovescats: WELL YEAH THIS SIDE OF THE BED HAS A DEMONIC DOG AND A SHITTY PAYING BABYSITTING JOB SO YES ROGER I DID WAKE UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BED

rogahtaylah26: hey deaky remember when u called fred an overdramatic bitch??

discodeaks: yeah

rogahtaylah26: yeah ur definitely right

freddielovescats: this is why i like cats- they dont need that much attention and theyre chill as fuck

brianisnotapoodle: yeah well most little dogs r assholes

freddielovescats: what do u mean most

brianisnotapoodle: my neighbors dogs named ollie and otto are small dogs and theyre the best dogs ever

rogahtaylah26: i thought u liked poodles

brianisnotapoodle: i dont like poodles cause i always get called one

discodeaks: lol but brian u r a poodle

rogahtaylah26: p o o d l e

freddielovescats: is anyone here good with kids

discodeaks: i am

freddielovescats: idk ur kind of a metaphorical crackhead

discodeaks: when i grow up i want to have an army of children

freddielovescats: alrighty then how do u force them to get ready for bed

discodeaks: u say "hey u need to get ready for bed or im gonna call ur mom and tell her ur not cooperating little assholes"

brianisnotapoodle: yeah do that minus the little assholes part

freddielovescats: thanks for the advice little assholes

rogahtaylah26: when in doubt, cuss people out

freddielovescats: ok the kids are in bed now im finally free

rogahtaylah26: what about the dog

freddielovescats: oh its fine he just pisSED ON THE FLOOR

this is based on true experience. I was actually babysitting tonight and the dog kept fucking biting me and I was bleeding. enjoy xxxxxxx