Come Back To Me (Very slowly editing)

Chapter 15

"It's ok, I know you've been dealing with a lot," she whispered as we continued to hug. When she finally pulled away she smiled weakly at me before excusing me to go get ready.

Everything still didn't feel real. It didn't feel like any of this was actually happening. The past three weeks had had a dreamlike quality to them, and I was hoping more than anything that it was all just, in fact, a dream. I prayed that in a couple of minutes I would wake up and Jamie would still be alive, Amy would be happy, and today wasn't the day of my best friend's funeral.

However, despite everything, deep down I knew it was real I just couldn't quite admit it to myself just yet. I didn't want it to be true. I didn't want Amy to be sad but more than anything I just wanted my best friend back because I missed him. I missed him more than anything. I missed all the bad one liners he would say. I missed his cheesy jokes and the way he would punch me whenever I did something stupid. I missed him so much and it hurt so bad everytime I thought about him not being here anymore. It was painful to think I would never go out to a bar again and watch him fail when trying to pick up a girl. It was almost unbearable to think about going back to the army without him. He had always been there with me, we were a team and I knew it would never feel the same without him. Would it be fun anymore? Would I still enjoy my job without him? Would I even be able to leave Amy again after everything? All of these were questions I couldn't answer. Questions that I didn't even want to think about, because I didn't want to think about my life without Jamie.

Slowly, I slipped out of my tracksuit and t-shirt and pulled on the suit which I hadn't worn since my graduation from army training. Looping the tie around my neck I quickly tied it before heading downstairs where my mum was waiting for me.

"See you later?" I smiled.

"I couldn't miss it," she answered referring to Jamie's funeral. I nodded weakly suddenly feeling like all my energy had left my body. I hugged her again before making my way back to Amy's apartment, all the while mentally preparing myself for this day. However, I knew nothing could prepare me for today, nothing could prepare me to say goodbye to best friend.

*--*

As soon as I saw her I knew it was bad. She was slumped on the kitchen floor, clutching her knees to her chest, her head buried into her legs, her whole body shaking as she sobbed. It broke my heart to see her like this, to see my strong, confident Amy so broken and hurt. Without even thinking I sprinted towards her and wrapped my arms around her while burying my face in her hair and whispering soothing words to her. I knew nothing I said would help but I would never stop trying, and then maybe one day it would finally get through to her, one day she would finally stop blaming herself for his death. I don't know why she did it. I didn't understand her logic for blaming herself when she clearly told me it wasn't mine. How could she blame herself and not me?

My thoughts were disrupted by her husky voice, which showed just how much she had been crying, "He's really gone," she whimpered, her body shaking endlessly in my arms.

"I'm so sorry Amy," was all I could say even though I knew that's not what she wanted to hear right now, but I couldn't seem to find any other words. I could never seem to find the words to say the thing in my head, the things I not only wanted but needed to say to her.

"Neither of you deserved this," I continued, "You won't be sad forever. I promise you that. Jamie wouldn't want that for you. He wouldn't want you to spend your life regretting the time you spent with him, he would like the memories you have of him to bring you happiness. He would want you to live your life to the fullest, to do stupid things and make a complete and utter fool out of yourself just like he did. You need to live your life for him," I whispered, my grip tightening on her as I pulled her fragile body onto my lap.