Holding Back [COMPLETED]

Chapter 38 - "I don't want to talk."

Her mother laid a hand on Haley's arm. "I'm right here, Haley, talk to me."

The invitation cracked away at Haley and she felt like the dam which she kept everything hidden behind fracturing. Her leg stopped bouncing.

"I messed up with Isaac and I need to make it better. He's mad at me for something that isn't what he thinks it is."

Her mother tucked a rebellious strand of hair away from Haley's face.

"Do you want to tell me what it was?"

At that, Haley dropped her gaze. "No, it was stupid and not a big deal."

Her mother studied Haley, weighing her words.

"Can you call him and explain?" she asked.

Haley knotted her fingers together. "I never got his number. But I figured if I went over to his house I could explain it all to him."

A beat of silence passed between them. "If you want, I can go with you. Would that help to have someone there?"

The image of herself and her mother approaching Isaac's house like Haley needed backup made her shake her head. She let out a sigh, some part of her soothed by the offer.

"No, this is something I have to do on my own, thanks though."

"Of course, I know I've been busy lately..." the stress and exhaustion that had momentarily disappeared returned, aging her face. She tried to smile past it. "But I hope you know I'm always here for you."

The mention of the second problem that seemed to dominate the house made Haley stand. It wasn't a problem she could solve no matter how much she wanted to. The problem of Isaac though was one thing in her life she could make right.

"So can I borrow your car?" she asked.

Her mother nodded. Haley grabbed the keys and headed out of the house. The day was drifting into late afternoon. The smell of chlorine, barbecue grilling, and hot cement swam around the neighborhood. Shrieks of laughter were accompanied by the splash of water. The lightheartedness of it all seemed to contradict the maelstrom Haley felt caught in.

As she drove, she forced herself not to think. Before she could go back to being alone she needed to fix this. Some piece of her asked why if she was just going to be alone, but she ignored it. She needed to know that there was at least one thing in her life she could control.

As she was passing the high school, she made a split-second decision and turned into the parking lot. It was completely empty. The only signs that last night had even happened were the stray bits of napkins that were kicked up by the breeze.

Staring at the vacant lot and the untouched football field, Haley felt she could convince herself that maybe it had all been a bad dream. That somehow everything was okay. But the delusion didn't last long, Isaac's words piercing the notion.

As Haley went to put the car in reverse, she stopped, fear freezing her hand. What if he didn't listen? What if he shut the door in her face? What if even after she explained to him what happened, the pain didn't go away?

She slammed the steering wheel with her fist.

"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid."

Each declaration timed with a hit. When her hand throbbed from the pain, she stopped. She cradled her fist to her chest and leaned her forehead on the wheel. She breathed in and out, the rubber digging into her skin.

She didn't know how long she stayed there, but when she eventually raised her head, the light had faded from the sky. She reversed and sat at the entrance to the parking lot, staring at the street to Isaac's house. The engine murmured, the vibrations of its voice the only sound in the car. Still, Haley didn't move. She was frozen to that one spot, forever torn between two decisions.