Eclipse

23.

"Don't call me that!" I snapped, snatching my hand away from his grip

Confusion flickered before he nodded in resignation, crestfallen. "Okay, then. Jessica. Come on, let's keep going." I looked down at his proffered hand and declined wordlessly, choosing instead to follow Emory hurriedly, who had chosen to maintain a sizeable distance away from us, as though he knew that we were going to fight and wanted to give us space. Jessica didn't need to hold people's hands.

"Wait!" Kieran called, jogging to catch up with me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Everything

"Nothing? Why all of a sudden become Jessica?"

"No reason." Because I am weak.

"Come on, don't give me that bull—"

"Because 'Megan' is weak, okay?" I finally fired, finally screaming. "'Megan' is a weak, pathetic idiot who is nothing but a liability. Sure, Jessica is technically an insane maniac, she has guts, she has bravery, and each time I become Jessica, I become brave, okay? So from hereon, I'm Jessica Shaw, and Megan is nothing but a figment of my imagination!"

Kieran stared at me, appalled. "You are brave, Megan," he whispered, ignoring my flinch at the forbidden name. "You don't need to have another name with a whole other persona to be that."

"How can you of all people say that?" I demanded furiously. Why was he so hellbent on stripping down Jessica's walls? Wasn't he the one who had hinted all along that I was weak and crumbled like pastry at the first sign of weakness?

Kieran glanced around to see Emory waiting at a corner, shooting him a knowing look as he disappeared, moving on. He breathed out in relief before gently pushing me against a wall. He pressed his hands against the wall, either side of my face to keep me still as he carefully ran his eyes over my face, as though trying to remember every hill and valley. His eyes seemed so much blander through the eyes of a human, the gold and amber flecks barely perceptible against the warm sea of brown.

"I admire you... did you know that?" Kieran finally said, meeting my eyes, dead serious. "There were times in my life when I'd been driven to kill myself, to just... end my misery, give up, but I hung on, but only just. But you... you've gone through just as worse, and yes, while you've whined and cried and broke down a good deal of the time, you still kept yourself together, didn't you? Somewhat, at least."

"Where are you trying to go with this?" I asked warily. My eyes darted to the side, suddenly feeling caged between his arms.

"The person who I admired went by the name of Megan Vaughn, and not Jessica, some girl who was driven insane from abuse. Megan wasn't insane, or psychotically driven by revenge or some long lost hurt. And the person who's done all of this, she is Megan Vaughn, not Jessica, okay? You are brave. You are everything I wasn't, okay? So right now, I don't give a shit what you think; I'm going to call you Megan, and you're going to be fine, okay?"

It was my turn to blink in confusion. "Why... why are you saying all of this?"

Kieran smiled sadly, and it was so heart-wrenchingly desolate and anguished, as he leaned closer. "Because of this."

When he pressed his slightly-parted lips against mine, I was too surprised to say a word, to surprised to react. It wasn't as though I had never been kissed—no, that was taken care of when Emory took me out to Fallen to become Jessica. I had been kissed, but never like this, without that demanding lustful hunger. Kieran's kiss was soft and gentle, and once I'd found my senses, I found myself responding to his touch. My eyes fluttered shut as I leaned in, and his fingers threaded through my hair, which I only just realised was horribly matted. My hands cupped his face as he pulled away slightly, and we spent a long moment just staring at each other wide eyed.