Under The Weather

10

"Hey, Bailey." Lance chirped with a smile.

"H-hey, g-guys." I studied the ground, ever since Lance told me about what happened to him, I could hardly look him in the eyes.

I was stuck in an endless maze that I could never escape.

Somehow, I couldn't shake the fact that it might've been my fault.

I couldn't comprehend it. 

I wasn't the one who pushed her around yet, I still felt guilt.

The people who picked on others for pleasure, for a laugh; those people were my friends.

Rachel was a carbon copy of the people who hurt Lance and his brother, but was I like that too?

That's what I had to constantly ask myself.

"Earth to Bailey!" Luna flapped her hands in front of my face, "You okay?" 

"Y-yeah, I'm f-fine." My eyes circled the group, "I n-need to g-go." 

I turned and headed towards my room.

As soon as the door closed, tears trickled from my eyes.

Jamie was gone, yet she was all that I could think of.

Blinded by rage and sadness, I threw items around.

'Why can't you leave me alone?!'

I Knocked myself off-balance, falling out of my wheelchair, onto the floor.

"Li?" 

I recognized that voice. 

They trailed towards me, "Li, what happened?"

I gazed up into their eyes, "C-Chris..."

He lifted me onto the bed, "What happened, do I need to kill anybody?" 

"No, p-please don't." A snigger let out of my mouth.

He chuckled, "Do you want to talk?" 

His hand rested on mine.

Tears fell from my eyes, "I c-can't." 

I shifted away from him.

"Come on, Li." Chris gripped my hand tighter, "It can't be that bad."

There was silence until I burst out, "W-what if I could've h-helped Jamie? Do y-you t-think it could've b-been my fault, C-Chris?"

He stared at me, "Bailey..."

"I let it h-happen t-too, I was e-even m-mean to her, Chris. I tried to s-save her but, I c-can't help b-but think..." I wiped my face. "I tried, d-didn't I?

I gripped her hand as tight as I could, "I'm sorry, please don't!" I was begging her.

"Bailey, please let me go!" 

"No! I won't!" she began to pull away from my grasp, "Give me your other hand!"

She stood on the other side of the fencing, looking back at me, "I forgive you, Bailey."

Her words lingered.

As if it was in slow motion, her hand broke from my grasp.

"No! Jamie!" I fell to the ground and cried hysterically.

"Bailey–" Chris started but I didn't let him finish.

"If I tell Lance d-do you t-think he'll h-hate m-me? People like m-me and Rachel m-made his brother –" 

Chris cut me off, "Bailey, I thought you said Rachel picked on her?" 

His facial expression was unreadable - I couldn't tell if he was disgusted by me or wanted to comfort me.

"Y-you don't u-understand -"

He hugged me, "Do remember the letter? The one Jamie wrote to you?"

"W-what a-about it?"

Chris released his hold, "Didn't you read it?"

I looked at him, "I n-never opened it, I d-didn't want to r-read it."

"Well, maybe you should." He presented me with a box of items from my bedroom, "It might help you feel better."

I opened it to find a letter. 

The one Jamie's mother had delivered to me.

I was sat by my window crying my eyes out over Jamie.

She couldn't be gone, not like that.

"Bailey?" My Mom was at the door, "Li, you need to stop doing this to yourself."

"But, Jamie..."

"I know you miss her. We all do, Bailey. But she wouldn't want you to stay up here all day crying. It wasn't your fault, li."

It wasn't? 

I blamed Rachel, she was the one who pushed her around but there was still a pang in my chest when I thought about what happened."

"Someone's here to see you."

"Who?"

Jamie's mother was also at the door, "Hello, Bailey."

"Kelly? I'm so sorry. I - "

"Don't be sorry, Bailey. You couldn't have done anything more."  She sadly smiled, "Here, I found this in her room. It's for you - the only proper letter she left."

I took the envelope from her hands and ran my fingers over the name written in cursive.

The imposing ink stared back at me, I was scared.

What would she say? She would probably hate me.

"She'd want you to read it."

"I will."