The Art of Learning to Love

18

He laid wheezing in the freezing snow, coughing as he looked up at the darkened sky. His ribs and chest hurt, more than he anticipated and he was sure he had a broken wrist, and a sprained ankle.

He'd had worse.

But the pain in his heart would not subside as quickly he knew, as he watched his brother floating face down on the icy river several yards away.

Hiroshi had gone with the intention of making peace with his brother. Who had, despite Hiroshis best attempts at counseling him, joined the triad. That coupled with drugs and a big mouth had ran him from Japan to China to Taiwan and then to France.

Sitting up, he surveyed the area, breathing as slowly as possible until he spotted his phone. With difficulty he made his way to it, dusting it off and elated when it turned on, despite the crack splitting the screen. He text a number, and quickly got a response, the adrenaline pumping through his body subsiding as he laid back down on the wet ground to await his ride.

He hadn't wanted to fight with his brother. Eiji was younger by 3 years and had always been, as far as Hiroshi could remember, a Mama's boy.

Until their mother died and they were left to their own devices, he had to pick up the slack of taking care of his younger brother, making sure he went to school, ate, did his homework and brushed his teeth, since their father couldn't be bothered to find his way out of a sake bottle.

It had turned Eiji into a stranger, and when he'd gone off to University in the states, despite his best efforts, Eiji had fallen in with the wrong crowd. And everything else followed; the drugs, the robbery, the beatings. By the time Eiji hit 18, Hiroshi washed his hands of him, deciding to let him do as he pleased and not lend him a hand any longer.

They had not spoken since that time, he'd only known about his brother through gossip and from the neighborhood ladies where his father still lived. Eiji had turned into a rotten apple and there was no saving him.

It had hurt him to fight his brother like that.

But Eiji knew better than to put his hands on Hiroshi, thinking his brother wouldn't fight back. He'd yelled an obscene amount of accusations at Hiroshi, stemming from when their mother was dying up until not speaking to him for 15 years. He shook his head at his responses as they echoed in his mind.

"You did this!!! You pushed whatever bond we might have had away by acting like this!" Hiroshi had yelled angrily, shoving his brother out of his personal space.

Eiji looked a lot like their father; sharp features with dark almost black eyes that never seemed friendly or happy. His once floppy and curly hair was buzzed cut, making him look older than 33, several scars littering his once perfect complexion.

Eiji had laughed humorlessly at that, allowing himself to be pushed. He wiped a hand down his face, shaking his head as he looked Hiroshi up and down, disgust marring his face a few seconds later.

"Look at you, brother...." he spat out, pointing to him. "You look like a whore at church, dressed properly and conservatively, but deep down inside, you know those clothes can't hide who you really are and what you've done."

It had pissed him off.

"You've always talked a lot of shit Eiji. I'm not here to get your approval, but to tell you that you'll be an uncle soon. And hopefully some day, once you've cleaned yourself up and done something with yourself other than this- you might get to meet my daughter."

Eiji had laughed, bent at the waist, slapped his thighs, held his stomach laughter that went on for almost a minute or two, much to Hiroshi's irritation.

"Someone finally melted the ice around your heart brother. Never thought I'd see the day that happened. What's she like, hmmm? An ice cold bitch as well? Because that's the only woman-" Eiji had stopped talking when Hiro had roughly grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, pushing him against a nearby tree. Hard.

"My wife is the most amiable, kind, loyal and loving woman I've met. She is more than I deserve and more than I had hoped for, but she has captured my heart and I do not plan to let her go. Eiji, I beg you, change your ways brother. I will help you on-"

"Fuck you Hiroshi! You think you can come here to tell me how to live, now?! Where were you when I needed you? When I was in China and in Taiwan? When I was sleeping in alleys and digging for food from garbage cans?! Where were you?! Oh that's right, smart Hiroshi was at university, acting rich, eating good. Forgetting where he was from."

Hiroshi laughed sarcastically.

"You think I wanted to do that? You think I wanted to be in with the Yakuza, to do the things I did to keep a roof over you and Fathers heads?! Do you think I took pride in that? I had to build a thick skin, Eiji. I did it so you could have a future, so that I could take care of you and father and only one of us would have to be ashamed. Mama made me promise the day you were born that I would always take care of you. I have tried my fucking hardest Eiji, to fulfill that promise, even as she died. I have failed, and for that I can't ever forgive myself. But I know Mama doesn't blame me. You have always been weak, selfish, greedy and obnoxious. You are your own worse enemy and there's no one who can help you with that. Not until you decide to help yourself. But that's never going to happen. You like who you are now."

He knew he was pushing Eiji's buttons, knew his brother was upset. What he did not think his brother would do was charge at him, with a knife no less.

Eiji was fast, he'd been fighting for a long time in the streets of Japan, China and Taiwan and had, at one point also been in a school. But Hiroshi was taller and stronger and had better training, with a longer reach and more experience.

Despite his best attempts, Hiroshi was able to knock the knife out of his hands, taking a couple of kicks to the chest and a few punches to the ribs despite his best efforts to avoid them.

There was nothing left to be said between him and his brother after that.