Abused

Friends

~Warning: Slight mention of sexual abuse~

Madam Pomfrey shuffled over to the side as Pansy sat next to Hermione.

"You sure you're ready?" Pansy asked hesitantly. Hermione smiled nervously and nodded. 

"As ready as I'll ever be, I guess," Hermione replied. Pansy chuckled and smiled.

"First off, and this is the most important question, Hermione, so answer well-" Pansy stated with a deadpan expression. "Why were you with Draco Malfoy, late at night, alone, on a walk? Huh?" Hermione paused. She was definitely taken aback. She wasn't sure if she should laugh or what. But suddenly, Pansy broke into a fit of laughter. 

"I'm kidding!" Pansy exclaimed. Hermione laughed along. "Although I do want to know the answer to that question, it can be answered another time." Pansy wiggled her eyebrows. Hermione chuckled and playfully shoved her. 

"Okay, now, for real," Pansy muttered as they settled down from their laughter. Her playful expression was quickly replaced with a worried one. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" Pansy asked quietly. Hermione smiled sadly and sighed. 

"I guess," Hermione replied. Pansy gave her an encouraging smile. "I- uh- don't really know where to start..." Hermione trailed off as she thought about everything that had happened to her in just a few months. 

"How about you tell me about your panic attack? If this was your first or..." Pansy suggested. Hermione tilted her head, thinking. 

"This definitely was not my first panic attack," Hermione stated. She paused. "I don't know exactly when they first started, though. It must have been at least-" Hermione counted on her fingers. "-a couple months ago? Maybe just a little more than one month ago?" Pansy gasped.

"Oh, Hermione," she whispered under her breath. Hermione forced a smile.

"It's okay, Pansy. I handled it." This didn't stop Pansy's worrying; however, she continued with the questions. 

"Alright. Can you tell me why you have panic attacks?" Hermione's heart skipped a beat. She clutched her chest, worried she would have an attack right then and there. Pansy reached out.

"Hermione? Are you okay?" she hurriedly asked. Hermione took deep breaths. 

"I'm okay. I'm fine," Hermione reassured them. Hermione took a second to calm herself down all of the way. 

"Okay. Uh, I have panic attacks because, um-" Hermione paused. "Uh, the thing is... Well, I don't really know how to, uh, explain it, um, exactly?" Hermione stuttered. Pansy smiled warmly. 

"It's okay, 'Mione. You can tell me absolutely anything. There is absolutely nothing you can say that I will judge in any way. Alright?" Pansy reassured her. Hermione smiled. She could already feel the tears springing up in her eyes. Though now she wasn't sure if they were happy or sad tears. Hermione took a deep breath. Despite how much she wanted to blurt everything out and get it over with, it was as if her body refused to. Every time she tried speak, her mouth would betray her. Hermione tried to think of a way to get the point across without actually saying much. She sighed. 

"Ron," was all she said. Pansy furrowed her brows. 

"What about Ron?" Pansy asked. Hermione took a shaky breath. Almost there. Just a few more words.

"Ron, he, um, he-" Hermione shook her head vigorously. She just couldn't bring herself to say it. She could feel herself sweating. Why was this so hard! Every time she thought she was about to finally confess, she would just stutter herself into silence. Maybe it was a sign. Maybe she shouldn't tell anyone. Maybe she knew deep inside that telling someone was a bad idea and that it could only bring worse things. Hermione could try and just refuse the help. She didn't have to answer the questions. They couldn't force her to. The negative voices in her head just kept shouting.

Why tell them? All you'll do is scare them away.

Aren't you strong enough to handle this on your own? If you get help, you're nothing.

They won't stay. All they'll do is act like they want to help you, then leave when they find the truth. 

Nobody needs to deal with your problems. After all, they are all your fault.

You'll lose all of your friends from this. Nobody wants to be friends with a slut like you.

You friends would be better off if you weren't here. Everyone would be better off. Nobody needs you. You have done nothing but be a burden to your friends. Maybe you should finally free them from a dead-weight like you. Maybe you should let them live their own lives without having to care for you. Maybe you should just--

No. 

Hermione clenched her fists. She was so close to getting the help she needed. The help she deserved. It was about time she fought back against the voices bringing her down. 

Absolutely none of that bullshit is true. 

They'll stay for me because they love me, and they are the types of friends that won't abandon me just because the going gets tough.

I am very strong, but that doesn't mean I can't ask for help sometimes. 

All these people really do want to help me. I know it. 

None of these problems are my fault. And even if they were, my friends wouldn't call me a burden, they would help shoulder it with me. 

I won't lose my friends. They know who I am, and they will accept me. And that's enough.

My friends are the best I could ever ask for. They'll be there for me when I need it the most. They love me, and I love them. We help each other through thick and thin. And although one of my closest friends betrayed me, I know my friends now won't do the same. I'm staying right where I am, with my feet planted in the ground and my head held high. I'm not leaving anytime soon. And if someone has a problem with that, they can kiss my ass. 

Hermione smiled to herself. She wasn't going to give in to the negativity. And although it had taken her a while to do so, she had finally stood up to it. And it felt really good. 

"Hermione? Are you alright?" Madam Pomfrey asked.

"Yeah, you haven't said anything for a while," Pansy added. Hermione smirked. 

"I'm perfect." Hermione took another deep breath, planning what she was going to say. Despite having banished most of her doubts about her friends, the fear of Ron lingered. Hermione closed her eyes and focused on slowing her breathing. Finally, her eyes shot open and she was ready for whatever was coming next.

"Ron raped me." 

Author's Note

I am so so sorry that I didn't post Sunday. As I said we were out of town and I just didn't really have a chance to write anything. At least I got it up today though. I also want to say school will be starting soon for me, so I may not post every Sunday. I'll try my best though. Thanks for understanding! Kiss Kiss!