Their Second Chance

Chapter 33

He opened his mouth and started.

"You remember I told you about our new accountant?" Hamza said calmly. I was surprised to see this man. He looks like his inside has put upside down. Still his voice is so calm.

"Yeah. What did that guy do?" I nodded. Hamza frowned a bit.

"That's not a guy. The accountant was a girl." Hamza said. I mentally facepalmed. How can I be so stupid?

"The time we hired her, I was pissed. First seeing her work, second her behaviour. That girl's stare was so.......Haram. At first the accounting department will come daily to complain about her. But I was helpless. In one hand we were searching for a new employee and dealing with that dull brain. She used to deliver the reports and stuffs to my room. At first she used to brage in my cabin without knocking. Then would make mistakes intentionally. I was really uncomfortable with these. I've told you before, I never was comfortable with girls, unless I really make an effort to impress her and the only time I did that was for you. As the time went she started to become all touchy. Would make me pass the pen intentionally touching my hand, or come behind me to lean on the work I was appointing her, almost leaning all over me. I know it sounds childish. But I couldn't help. This was getting too much. The morning I got a call from office. I was about to fire her. She came into my cabin. I was handing her a file when she out of nowhere placed.....placed her lips on mine." Hamza stopped. I felt like my heart stopped beating. I stopped thinking for a while. 

I was always the possessive one. Specially when it came to my loved ones I was the bad bitch who would react if her friend would make a new friend. It took me a long time to come out of that immature shell. So you can imagine how I felt when I heard that some random girl literally kissed my husband.

But then I again reminded myself. It was not about me. It was about a man who has never hidden a single thing from me. It was the man who has always maintained a safe distance from a girl. It was about a man who was firm to his morals. For a normal guy this incident was nothing, but I can't even imagine when it comes to Hamza. It was almost close to him thinking he cheated on me or he got raped. I know him quite enough. I knew he was blaming himself. He was feeling disgusted by himself. I know, my heart and brain knows that I am married to a man of his word and morals. I have seen him confessing his fault without any hesitation. I married a man who is religious and tried to follow his religion in a way that I couldn't imagine. For him it was such a big thing. I know his fear of Allah has made him what he is feeling like right now. I know deep down inside, how much he fears Allah, and how much he is spiritually connected to his deen. I know him well enough to at least guess how worse he is feeling  right now. That moment I knew, above all the thing, I married a good man.

"I pushed her and did what  was right, I threw the letter on her face and called the security. All day I thought about how to face you. I took a gusl in my office. Still I felt disgusted by myself. I spent my day either yelling at my employees or on my praying mat. I felt lost, Sabrina. I felt like years and years of my spiritual connection got lost. I felt disgusted by myself. I felt disgusted that I couldn't prevent this thing. I should have fired her a long time ago. I felt profane.I didn't know how to face you. I didn't know how would you react.

I came home late and I met my worst nightmare, Sabrina. I never wanted to hurt you, but I did. I would never be able to forgive myself for treating you like that. No person should be forgiven, if he treats his wife like the way I did. I am a disgusting man,Sabrina. I felt like I was soo profane that you should not touch me. I felt guilty for being a victim. I felt like I will never be able to sleep in the same bed with you. I was afraid of your touch. I felt like if you touch me, I would affect your pure soul. You know it sounds so filmy and you would think I am telling this to cover myself up, but I love you too much. I can't bear losing you. I was saving you from the truth so that you would stay. I didn't pick you up that night, when you had major panic attack cause I felt vulgar. I felt .........I felt so shit......I'm fucked up so bad. I'm sorry. I really am." Hamza covered his face with his hands and I heard light sobs. I have never seen him cry.