Straight To You

forty

My thought stops short once it hits me that I'm feeling pity for Jack. The same boy who recently used me to win a stupid bet. If anything, I shouldn't be feeling bad for Jack at all. I shouldn't care what people decide to think about him. Let everyone assume he's nothing but another white boy riding the wave of his parent's money. Why should any of that matter to me?

Yet I can't stop myself from realizing that it does matter to me, if just a little. I suppose part of me will always be bound to Jack in some way, bet or no bet. For the first time since meeting Jack, I find myself feeling bad for the way people perceive him. Especially knowing about the loss of Jack's sister, a rough patch in his life he doesn't like to advertise. Thinking back on the girls' words, I find myself thinking it has never been a worse time to be Jack Crawford.

• • •

"Hey, you're back," I muse when I notice my dad walking through the front door the following night.  It's about eight P.M, which is later than my father usually takes to return home. I mute the TV before me, shifting on the couch so that I'm able to face Dad as he stands in the kitchen. "Where have you been all night?"

"Uh . . ." Dad hesitates to answer my question as he empties out his pockets, strolling into the living room. "I was just at the movies." Clearing his throat, Dad averts his gaze from mine as he adds, "With Elena."

My father's revelation is news to me, and I find my eyebrows raising in surprise. I manage to hold my tongue, not wanting to say anything that will give my father the wrong idea about how I'm feeling. Over the past month, I've been seeing a lot of Elena around our home. I don't mind as much as I'd first thought I would, though it's still a sight to see, having a girl who isn't Mom spending time with my dad.

After a drawn-out moment of careful consideration on my end, I finally say, "You two have been seeing each other a lot lately."

Scratching the back of his neck, an expression of feigned shock appears on my father's face as he murmurs, "Have we?"

"Dad!" I cry with a faint laugh, tossing a decor pillow at him. "Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm okay with it. Really. I just want to know . . . are you two a thing?" I pause as I await my father's response, heart racing with suspense. Dad takes a long moment to answer, expression conflicted. I sense that he must think I'm upset, so I add, "I really wouldn't mind if you are, Dad. I just want the truth."

"I think there's something you should know, kiddo," Dad says after a moment, taking a seat across from me on the couch, pursing his lips as if he isn't sure how to put his thoughts into words. "You know Elena and I went to school together when we were kids, right?" I'm unsure of why my father asks me this, considering I've been told multiple times, though I nod anyway as I wait for him to continue.

"Well, there's a lot more to our past than that," Dad reveals, still appearing hesitant. "Elena and I actually dated for about a year back when we were in high school. I didn't meet your mother until after we'd broken up, so things with me and Elena never went any further than that. And I'm sure you know the rest of the story, after I met your mother we moved to Texas, and then had you . . ." Dad trails off, clearly not wanting to talk about the past with Mom's loss still so fresh in his memory. Which I suppose is all the same, considering it still hurts for me to hear about it.

When I hear the bit about my father and Elena dating back in the day, I can't help raising my eyebrows in shock. I had no clue that my dad and Elena had a . . . romantic history. I'd never even suspected it, considering the two seemed like such good friends since Dad and I moved here, with no trouble in their past. Though I suppose if I really think about it, it's not too hard to piece together a definite . . . attraction between the two, as weird as it is for me to admit.

Despite all of this, I find it most shocking that I don't really mind this news my father has given me. After the experience I had with Jack, I guess it's now easier for me to understand that just because you date someone and put effort into your relationship, it doesn't mean that relationship is guaranteed to last. It's possible to love someone and not be with them, just as it is vice versa.

"So, are you trying to work things out with Elena again?" I ask after a moment, pulling my knees to my chest as I carefully study my father, anticipating his reply.

I'd be lying if I said the thought of my dad dating a woman besides my mother isn't a little alarming, but I also know that the decision is his own to make. When my dad is ready to move on, I'll have to accept that. After all, everyone deserves to find love. And I would never want to withhold that right from my father, no matter how hard it is for me to come to terms with change.

"I'm not really sure, kiddo," Dad admits, expression thoughtful. "Right now, I think we're just enjoying each other's company. When it comes to the future, however, I don't know. Maybe one day, but not right now."

"It's okay to allow yourself to move on and love someone new," I hear myself whisper, not fully understanding that I'm actually speaking. "I know it's scary at first, but it's also worth it." I find that the words are more for myself than my dad. And as I do, I can't stop the image of Jack from consuming my mind. He hurt me, yes, but he helped me in the end as well, as odd as that sounds. It was my experience with Jack that helped me to learn that I need to open my heart in order to heal, not push people out for the fear that I'll lose them just as I lost my mother. And maybe one day, when the time comes, I'll be able to fall in love again myself. And maybe that love will last. It's Jack Crawford I owe for being able to come to this realization, as ironic as it is, considering the love I had for him was never anything but one-ended.

"Enough talking about me," Dad mumbles, interrupting my thoughts. "How are things with you, kiddo? How's school been?" I can sense the hidden meaning behind my father's words. How are you holding up, having to see the boy who hurt you everyday?

I sigh as I roll my eyes, shaking my head. "I don't want to talk about school," I admit, meaning the words. "Honestly, I don't want to talk about anything right now."

"Understood," Dad says with a nod, picking up on my hint. "How about I order a pizza, then? We can rent a movie and eat and not talk about anything. How does that sound?"

Turning to face my dad, I offer him a wide grin, truthfully admitting, "That sounds perfect."