Perfect. [Completed]

Chapter 45. That Would Be Enough

Xara's POV.

Horrible shakes ran through my body as I clutched my messy and unkept hair, trying so hard to steady my breathing but failing nevertheless. Usually in moments like this I would feel my heart beating against my ribcage, but now... I felt nothing. Not a beat, not a pound, as if it had fallen down a bottomless pit of dread and despair and fear.

I had forgotten. I had forgotten.

A shaky breath escaped my mouth when I wrapped my arms around my body and burrowed my head in my knees, just merely trying to escape the nightmare I was living in. Maybe that's what it was, a simple nightmare that didn't want to end? Oh, how I wished that what would be it!

How I wished I could just wake up from all of this, wake up once and for all. It didn't even matter where I would find myself, in my bed in Oasis or in our cabin or... Or even on the floor of the Sunshine Institute. Everything, all of them would be much better than this!

My eyes closed shut I barely felt the way my body began to rock back and forth in a calming motions, trying to get my mind to relax. But I couldn't, I couldn't calm down! The seeds of the disease, whatever the heck it was, began to grow inside my head, breaking to pieces everything I had now.

How much time would have to pass before I forgot everything? How much time did I have before waking up in a house I wouldn't remember, by the side of a person I wouldn't remember? How much time was there for me?

"Xara?"

I didn't look up. Didn't flinch. Didn't move. Romeo's voice was trying to soothe me, but even it couldn't work today. Heck, I wasn't even sure if his name was Romeo! So, so many horrifying thoughts rushed through my head that my lungs gave up.

Breathing became harder than ever before. My eyes widened in fear as I began panting, trying to gasp in some air, but-but nothing was working. The world around me began to spin, and when I scrambled to my feet something jerked the floor from underneath me.

The wall hit me in the back, knocking the remaining air out of my body, and the pain somehow managed to pull some air inside me. That gulp of oxygen made my hands look for something, something I didn't know the name of. But there was something I needed, something very important, and gosh, if only my thoughts weren't such a mess, if only I could pull myself together just for one second I-

"Xara!"

Something warm and soft under my chin pulled my head up and not a moment later did I find myself staring into grey eyes of my companion, of the only one who was still there for me. Shakes ran through my body for the last time and I did let out an exhausted grunt when my arm shot out and pressed on Romeo's chest to keep my body steady.

Breathing in. And out. In. And out. In. Out.

The panic attack passed as suddenly as it had begun, leaving me weak and powerless. I didn't even know how my wobbly knees could keep me standing at this point, because all I wanted was to fall down and get swallowed by the ground or something like this.

"Hey, hey, come on." Romeo's familiar voice reached my ears and the moment I felt his plaid-covered hands take hold on my elbows I gave in.

"Whoa!" My roommate exclaimed, his grip keeping me from falling on the cold floor. "Hold on, hold on, we have to get you somewhere safe, hold on..."

I tuned the rest of his words out. They didn't matter. Of course they didn't. Why would they if in the end I would forget them all, I would forget Romeo's face and his voice, his gentle eyes and warm hands? My memory was betraying me, my only friend was betraying me, and it hurt as much as it did when Fred got killed. Who killed him? Was it me who killed him?