Love and Loss

Chapter 7: An Unexpected Announcement

I clear my throat as I took a moment to clear my mind.

Now, I was coming across the memories that I had tried to forget. 

Memories that I wanted to forget.

However, deep within me, I knew that I had to remember them, no matter the cost.

I sighed as I started to remember the day that the problem started to appear.

Ringo and I had been in a relationship for two years by that point, and I still hadn't told Paul about it. Whenever I thought that Ringo was going to ask the question, I threw him off with either changing the subject of the conversation, or by kissing him.

However, I knew that this charade could only go on for so long.

One night, I finally got the nerve to approach Paul and tell him about it.

He was in bed as I got out of the shower. My usual clothes were in the hamper and we both had pajamas on for once.

I got in the bed and laid down next to him. He looked at me. Seeing his face, I paused for a moment.

Oh, if only I hadn't paused.

"Ay John, I have somethin' to tell ya..." He said apprehensively. I stared at him in confusion.

"Well... what do ya want to tell me, Macca?" I said. 

"Ya know that we have both been in this relationship for quite a while, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, seeing how George and Ringo have the same thing goin' on too..." He paused, "I've been wonderin' 'bout somethin'."

I felt my heart drop a little at his words.

"W-what do ya want t-to tell me?" I asked.

"I was wonderin' about moving... Not out of Liverpool, but out of this mansion... I-I saw a house close to here that seems t-to be well kept... I-I'm sorry... is this too much?"

I stared at him. His gaze met mine, waiting for me to respond.

In that moment, so many thoughts crossed my mind.

Move? I could understand the appeal. It would be refreshing to live on our own. 

But, what about Ringo? What would I do? Should I just tell Paul now? 

I thought about saying no to Paul's idea of moving, but I quickly banished that from my mind.

I loved Paul. And I would do anything to make him happy, even if it meant breaking another one's heart. 

After all, I could just tell Paul about my secret afterwards... 

Right?

"Paul... I... I do think that that's for the best," I said. His face lit up with happiness.

"R-really?"

"Yes."

"Oh, Johnny, thank you!" He hugged me.

"I was worrying that you'd say no! Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!" He repeated.

I held him in my arms. The happiness in his response had killed my nerve to tell him about my secret.

In that moment, I made a mistake.

I came to the realization that things would be better off for me if I left Ringo. I wasn't going to pass up the chance to live alone with Paul, I just couldn't.

But, I should have at least tried to.

Paul pulled me down onto the bed and brought me in for a kiss. Our tongues swirled around each other in ecstasy.

"Oh John," He moaned when we briefly stopped to catch our breathe.

"So.. when are we going to start packin'?" I asked him. It took him a moment to respond.

"Well, I was thinkin' about tomorrow. It's not going to be that hard, ya know."

I nodded in response, not even worrying as to how Ringo would react. 

I hate to admit this, but I did not care for him in that moment. 

Paul was the one that I confessed my love to. He loved me in return. In that moment, I believed that we were meant to be together.

Ringo pretended to be romantically in love with George, but he was really in love with me.

As Paul and I continued our session, I came to the conclusion that, if Ringo wanted to be in a relationship with me without any trouble, then he should have made his way towards me before George went to him.

I didn't think about how out of control the situation was for him. 

When Paul and I went to sleep, I did not worry as to how Ringo would react when Paul told him the news the next morning.

I felt my stomach turn as images of what happened the next morning appeared in my mind.

Ringo looked me right in the eyes as Paul told George, who was right next to him. I briefly shuddered, but I brushed it off. 

I avoided Ringo for the next few weeks. Paul and I had to get our things together and inspect the house.

The house was small, but on the inside, it was surprisingly clean and spacious. 

That house was nowhere near the street I was on, and I knew that I hadn't passed it earlier. Maybe that was for the best.

Then the day came where Paul and I moved out.

I place a hand up against my forehead.

The events of that day would set off a chain reaction for him. 

A chain reaction that resulted in...

I shook my head, sighing in the process.

'Johnny, one step at a time here,' I thought to myself.

I needed to calm down, for I knew that the rest of the memories that I had locked away in my mind for years were the most painful ones that I had.

I turned another corner. I would only need to walk forward for the rest of my journey, judging by the unmistakable sight of black, metal fences in the distance. They were still far away from me, so I would have the time to remember everything before I reached them.

I did not try to stop my eyes from becoming wet as I continued walking.