Mina

Weight of the World

Should I go?

That was the million dollar question.

And I still didn't have an answer.

It was all I was thinking about, that and Owen. He was still calling and texting alongside Max and Chelsea. I hadn't answered anyone. Every time my dad asked if I could come to their gender reveal I stammered and mumbled and changed the subject always giving some noncommittal answer.

And every time I read another text from Max or Chelsea or listened to one of Owen's voicemails, my heart seized in my chest and the pull to answer them nearly knocked me over. I'd even gone so far as to type out a text a time or two but I never could hit send.

I missed them.

"Earth to Mina." Fingers snapped in front of my face causing me to startled.

I looked up from where I had been staring, Sarah and Katie both looking at me expectantly.

"Hmm?" I mumbled, Owen's smile still lingering in my mind making my heart hurt.

"Still with us?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah."

Katie was smiling, "She was probably just dreaming about Owen."

I rolled my eyes, kicking myself off the machine that I had been leaning on.

"No I'm not." I scoffed.

I caught the look that Katie and Sarah shared, annoyance flooding me as I tried to silently deny that they were mostly right.

Owen had me thinking for a minute that maybe I could. I could do this, a relationship. Learn to trust him, trust anyone. But that euphoria hadn't lasted a week.

And the comedown was killing me.

"Speaking of Owen." Katie continued. "Derrick and I were going to go to his game this weekend. Will you be there?"

My voice caught in my throat, I had almost said yes. But I couldn't show up to his game when I hadn't spoken to him in days. He'd corner me. And he'd make everything makes sense again. And I'd be right back where I was. Believing him even though I shouldn't.

"No." I managed to say after a moment. "I can't."

"Aw that's a bummer. I was hoping we could sit together." She had a sad smile on her face.

I wasn't sure why I felt the need to give her an explanation. Maybe it was because I was always at Owen's games. Cheering alongside his family.  But now, when Owen scanned the bleachers during one of the timeouts, I wouldn't see that smile spread across his face.

"I have to work."

"Here?" Confusion laced in her voice.

"No the library. I work there on the weekends." I told her.

"That late?"

I was not good at lying, that was apparent. Libraries weren't open late.

"There's an event." I lied.

"Well that's a bummer, next time." She said, thankfully dropping it as her eyes shifted to something in the background. "Oh Derrick's back. I'll see you guys in a couple days!"

She wheeled herself away without another moments hesitation. I released a strained breath, feeling slightly drained from the conversation. At least our next patient was an older man who didn't feel the need to pry into my life. I could have some peace.

Or at least I thought I would until I turned to see Sarah looking at me.

"What?" I snapped.

"Are you sure everything's okay?" She asked.

"I'm fine."

She nodded her head but I could tell she didn't believe me.  It bothered me how Sarah seemed to be able to read people so easily. I knew it was part of what made her such a good therapist but I didn't need it. I was fine.

"Ya know." She started. "Owen was pretty tight lipped when he was in yesterday."

I didn't care. Owen deserves someone that could support him, not push him past his limits for their own selfish reasons. I couldn't stand the idea that I could have convinced him to do too much too soon.

Like when he walked across the courtyard at my college. Maybe he wasn't ready to go that far. Maybe it was sheer luck he'd made it at all.  And I'd been the one to tell him he could.

"He beat the crap out of my machines too." She commented. "He seemed to be working through something."

"That's nice." I muttered.

"Does that something have anything to do with you?" She asked.

Probably.

I shook my head. "No, why would it?"

"Oh could it be that the two of you definitely like each other?" Sarcasm rolling off her tongue.

"No we don't."

Owen's voice echoed in my head. It was harder to stop pretending than he knew.

"Mina.."

Pity screamed at me through that one word. And I didn't want her pity. She didn't know anything about it. Or me.

"What Sarah?" I barked, wanting her to just stop.

She sighed, picking up her notes. "You're so hard on yourself."

I was. But I had my reasons. And they were good reasons. At least I thought so.

"We need to get ready for Rob." I stated, why wouldn't she take the hint.

She gave me one more look, her mouth opening slightly like maybe she was going to add something. I held her gaze, letting all the frustration I felt for myself seep through my eyes in hopes she'd think it was a result of her prodding.

"Sure." She finally said. "Let's get set up for Rob."

I turned my back to her, releasing a tight breath. When would the world not feel so heavy?

                              ————————

Guys I tried like mad. I had this chapter done but I went to post it and I didn't have enough service 😫😭. I was so mad! But now I have a small buffer again. So there's that.