Always In The Back [Hanahaki!HopeMin/JiHope]

Chapter 1 - Too Good to be True

[JIMIN'S POV]

I always knew i meant to Hoseok not even quarter of what he meant to me. I had long noticed that, although we've been connected ever since we were little kids, ever since we would play outside together, that i was nothing but a mere friend to him. It's brave of me to say i was considered a friend.

But that's just silly me. Always so delusional, always so sensitive, always taking even the smallest sign of care and attention as a sharing of love and intimacy... I've had a crush on him ever since we were in middle school. Just a silly, childish crush. Doing homework together, playing, partners in crime and mischief durning class... But i've only started having serious feelings for him in high school, to which we still went to together. Until then, Hoseok was mine. Even if he wasn't as attached to me as i was to him, even if i was always the one to reach out to him, to call him, to ask him if i could see him, it was enough for me. Because he accepted. He often didn't reject me, though he probably wanted to. But it was enough for me. Being around him. Seeing him smile, seeing him laugh, sharing things that were important to him with me... And they were always important to me too. Whatever mattered to him meant the world to me. But that explains why i never cared about myself either... My world revolved around him. What he disliked, i despised. What he loved, i adored. What didn't matter to him, i neglected. Explains why i never cared if i was healthy or sick. Happy or sad. I just... needed Hoseok around. Ever since i was little, all i needed was Hoseok. Who sometimes, in such rare occasions, took care of me. Healed me when i skinned my knees from being clumsy as we ran, defended me from teachers when i got into trouble and made excuses for me... minor things that meant the universe to me. Minor things that made me think i was cared for, they soothed me, for when it came to things that emotionally mattered to me, he didn't care. He didn't answer me when i talked about a show or toy i liked, he never listened to me when i would recommend something for our games... But i was satisfied. Sounds like a horrible person, doesn't he? Sounds like i'm just desperate and delusional.

I am. But i couldn't help it. We were always different. I was and am shy and boring, i never had friends, no one wanted to play with me... except for him, who did it just to be kind. I was lonely and all i had was him, while he was surrounded by friends and people. He was always sociable, bright and outgoing... confident. So out of so many friends... close ones, best friends... i was nothing.

Sometimes he didn't want to be around me. He didn't want to play with me, so i just sat in the backround, watching him play and talk to everyone else. But it was enough for me. Seeing him happy. Seeing him smile. It took away my personal sorrow.

It was fine, until high school. In our first year, Hoseok made a very close girl friend. She was of average height, skinny, beautiful, with clear skin and a pretty face, short, black hair at the level of her neck... and she was a very talented dancer. Hoseok loved dancing. They shared this passion together, and did it often.

Of course, i loved dancing too... but mine was different. While i was into ballet, and even taking studies and classes, Hoseok and that girl were the street dancer type. And i could never get those moves right. I was too cowardly, too delicate for such passionate, professional movements like theirs.

They danced like they were one. They danced like he was the body, and she was his shadow. And i was always in the back...

In high school, he had most friends. At lunch, he sat away from me... far, with his many, many friends... and that girl. He rejected me when i wanted to sit with him. But still, he kept me around, i was thankful for that. But i couldn't help feeling jealous of that girl. He was so fond of her. And she didn't deserve it. They barely knew eachother and yet they had a spark, so i always found myself wondering... why her? Why not me? I was always there, when he was upset, when he was happy, when he needed me and when he didn't, so why did he choose her? Who was she?