Sparkling: Alchemist still won't leave her room.
Vampire: Tell her I said something.
Sparkling: Like what?
Vampire: Anything factually incorrect.
Alchemist, a few minutes later: Did you just say the sun is a fucking planet-
--------
Vampire, who is currently wasted: I'm a bush!
Alchemist: Sparkling, call a cab. We need to go home.
Vampire: Bush. I'm a bush.
Sparkling: You're a bush?
Vampire: I'm a bush. I'm a bush!
Alchemist: *trying to drag Vampire away from a nearby bush* Sparkling help me-
Vampire: Why can't you understand that I'm a bush? If I'm not a bush, then I'm not no one. *slips out of Alchemist's grasp and facplants into the bush*
Alchemist: *has just given up*
Sparkling: *is dying*
Vampire: I am a bush!
