Darkest Desire

29. Hurtful Revelations (EDITED)

She was lying on something soft. A mattress, perhaps? Aurora's head felt heavy and her eyelids seemed to be fused together with superglue. Her whole body felt weightless, a numbing sensation spreading through her limbs. It felt nice. Peaceful. Comfortable. Relaxing. After all her body had been through, this was definitely an improvement.

The air smelled clean, crisp. Sterile. Aurora felt her brows furrow at that last thought. A hospital, maybe? And then it hit her: the infirmary. Which, by association, meant she was back at Hogwarts.

Which in turn meant she was still alive.

That knowledge was far more reassuring than she would have liked. She always figured dying would come relatively easy to someone like her, someone who had seen so much, lived through so much. Why did the knowledge that she was still alive fill her with such thrilling anticipation?

But somewhere deep down inside her, Aurora knew the answer to that question.

Severus.

It became harder and harder for Aurora to deny her feelings for the Potions Master. Maybe the near-death experience finally gave her the courage to face the facts: She had grown to care for the stubborn and obstinate man that was more closed off than the Berlin Wall and even more stubborn than she was. Was 'care' even the right word to describe those feelings? Probably not. From hesitant respect to tacit affection, it was probably fair to assume that now that she'd trusted the man with her life, she could honestly say she cared very deeply for Severus Snape. And if she were to be completely honest, it probably ran much deeper than that. But that particular prospect was still quite disconcerting to contemplate, and Aurora wondered why of all people, she'd gone and chosen probably the most unavailable man on the entire planet to be drawn to. Leave it to her to choose the most inaccessible man to be attracted to. Why couldn't she be like any other normal witch and choose a guy her own age? Preferably one that wasn't a former Death Eater and follower of the Dark Lord? Why, out of all people, did she have to choose the one guy that would most likely never reciprocate those feelings? Just her luck that she had choose someone haunted by his past and broken on the inside. Emotionally unavailable, and with a temper to match, why did she have to fall for him?

"Fuck me sideways with a basilisk fang, of course it had to be Severus bloody Snape" Aurora grumbled under her breath, voice barely more than a whisper. Her voice was throaty and hoarse, and her throat, despite not being sore anymore, still felt dry.

And as Aurora thought about that, she also realized that those were things about him, that, in the big picture, made him who he was. Many more things that were just hiding beneath that cold and distant façade, like an unrivalled drive and motivation towards a cause once he'd set his mind on it, and a sharp mind and keen intelligence added to an observant and perfectionist nature. He shut out his emotions, true, but that didn't mean he didn't have them. He was courageous, despite what everyone else thought, by doing what needed to be done whenever it was necessary. He was passionate about Potions, even though many mistook his dislike for teaching for cruelty or malice.

Mulling over those thoughts, Aurora felt a presence beside her, and forcing her eyes open she was shocked to find Severus's sleeping figure beside her, half hunched over the bed. She was, indeed, in the hospital wing, and was awarded the smallest sense of privacy by white curtains that surrounded the bed she was lying in. Her entire body felt sore, and beneath the crisp and clean covers she could sense the bandages to the sores on the back of her legs, her throat no longer painful and a glass of water on the nightstand beckoning her with the promise of relieving her thirst. Severus was holding her hand, though, his head resting on his forearm. He looked tired, with lines edged deeply into his features and his skin a few shades paler than normal. It made him look older, and Aurora realized with a startle that the man was only in his thirties.