The horrible past, the unbearable present and the hopeful future

Chapter 7

I quickly pulled my top back down and stepped away. I looked into his eyes and cringed.

"I'm so so sorry." He said.

Great, here came the pity. I yanked my diary out of his hand and turned to my bed. I could feel his gaze still on me. Why did he have to look at it? Now he knew my deepest darkest secret. I sighed.

"I understand." He said.

I turned and looked at him. He understood? There was no way he could possibly understand.

"I've got to go get some dinner." He said quietly before leaving.

He was going to tell everyone. I was going to become the school freak. Jesse would find out... Oh Jesse.

I flopped onto my bed; suddenly I was in no mood for a sleep over. I flicked through the diary at my scribbled hand-writing, all my thoughts, all my dreams, all my nightmares. They filled this book. All the truth.

I pulled in into my chest tightly and felt my eyes sting with unfallen tears. I came here to get away yet it was about to surround me more than ever.

I lay on my bed for a while before there was a knock on the door. I got up and opened it to find Brooke and Hailey standing there. Shit, I'd forget to tell them I wasn't coming.

"Hey guys." I said sheepishly.

"Are you coming?" Asked Hailey.

"Sorry, I feel sick." I lied.

"Oh, do you want us to stay with you?" Asked Brooke.

"No, I don't want you to catch it if it's bad." I said smiling.

"Oh ok." Said Hailey frowning.

"Maybe another night." I said smiling before shutting the door.

I turned and walked to the window. I looked out and saw students sitting out on the fields in the evening air. I saw Jesse sitting with Nick. I watched as girls around them watched them, giggling and smiling. I then saw Jacob walk over. My eyes widened.

He sat next to them and they started talking. They were smiling and laughing so I assumed he wasn't saying anything. I suddenly saw him look up and I jumped out of view.

I stayed with my back against the wall for 5 minutes before sighing and lying on my bed again. I didn't want people to know. I didn't want all the pity.

The door suddenly opened and Jacob walked in. I kept looking up at the bunk above me.

"Savannah we need to talk." He said.

"Nothing to talk about." I said.

He picked up my diary and waved it in my face.

"I'm pretty sure I can think of a few things." He said.

"How many people have you told?" I asked.

"Told? I'm not telling anyone!" He said.

"Right." I said.

"Why would I tell someone something this serious? Do you really think that badly of me?" He asked.

"You've read the diary haven't you?" I muttered.

"Yeah I was hoping that wasn't true." He said.

"Well unfortunately everything in there is true." I said.

He studied me for a while, I could feel it. I started to feel a little uncomfortable when he suddenly walked to the door. I looked over at him but he just left.

I sighed and picked up my diary that he'd put on the desk. I flicked to the bit about him and read:

'And then there was my roommate. I don't care if he's drop-dead gorgeous. He is an ass and I want nothing to do with him. I better not catch him in here with some chick, I think I'd vomit. He better stay away from me and not try anything. I couldn't handle it, especially not from someone I know would never understand or care. I feel really bad though because he has to put up with my nightmares, oh god those nightmares.'

I sighed. Jacob suddenly walked in again with a plastic bag. I looked at him curiously but he ignored me. He put the bag on the couch then walked into the closet. I looked at the bag, trying to figure out what was in it. He returned with a laptop and some DVDs which he put at my feet.

"Uhhh." I said confused.

"We're having a movie night." He stated, grabbing the bag and bringing it over.

I sat there shocked and looked as he looked through the bag. He looked up at me.

"Are you going to go get changed or not?" He stated.

I got up confused and walked into the closet. I put on a singlet top and my pj shorts before walking back out. Jacob was on the bed with the laptop on the pillow, lying on his front. He turned and smiled at me before patting the spot next to him. I walked over suspiciously, what was he up to?

I lay next to him and he pressed play. I watched as Seven Pounds with Will Smith came on. I hadn't seen this movie but I'd heard it was really good. Jacob pulled out a bag of chips and opened them, he offered them to me. Salt and vinegar, my favourite.

I smiled slightly and took some. We lay there and ate chips while watching the movie.

By the end I had tears streaming down my face as the last two characters met. I could feel Jacob looking at me and quickly wiped my tears away before looking at him.

"What?" I asked.

"Is it possible that you look beautiful even when you're crying?" He asked.

I blushed and looked away then remembered who he was. Jacob, the asshole. I turned back to look at him.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"What?" He said.

"Why are you being nice? I don't need your pity." I said getting off the bed.

"I don't pity you." He said.

"Then what's all this?" I asked.

"I'm trying to help make you happy or at least forget for a little period of time." He said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because." He muttered. "But if you don't want me to I'll stop. I'll go back to being the ass you think I am."

I studied him, where was this coming from? He was one of the popular guys, why was he trying to help me?

"Why would you help me though?" I asked.

"Because no-one should go what you went through." He said.

"I know." I whispered.

"My parents were murdered too." He suddenly said.

My eyes shot towards him. What? Really? Oh god.

"Really?" I asked with wide eyes.

"Yes, I was 10 and there was a man in our house when we came home from a holiday. We walked in and he went to run out but my dad stopped him. He stabbed my dad while my mom screamed. He then turned on her and stabbed her. He made sure they were both dead before he turned to me but just as he had me backed-up against a wall we heard police sirens. He turned and ran." He said quietly.

"Like me... Except I got stabbed too." I said quietly.

We looked at each other in silence for a long time before he took my hand.

"You're not alone Savannah. I know a part of what you're going through. I know what it's like to have your parents murdered. To have heard them scream. I admit I don't know what it's like to be stabbed." He said.

I looked up at him with teary eyes.

"You also don't know what it's like to have the killer still on the loose." I muttered.