Lost and Found

01

August 24
Penn State University

The streets of campus were lined with cars and families moving their kids in and saying their final goodbyes. As I see one father yelling at his son, who was apparently not helping out enough, even though it seemed that his hands were completely full with two boxes and a duffel bag, I reminded myself how much of a hassle it could be having family around during things like this. It always resulted in stress and yelling, it was much easier doing it all on my own.

I continued to navigate the familiar streets as I pulled up to Greek Row, the street that was home to all of the sorority and fraternity houses. My sorority house, Alpha Gamma, was located about four houses in, right in-between two frat houses. The frat lawns were already littered with empty bottles and guys playing drinking games on the lawn. While they weren't too bad to look at, I had a feeling I would get tired of the noise pretty quickly.

Once I pulled into my driveway, I got out and decided to head inside to say hi to everyone before unloading my car. I walked through the large wooden doors that lead into the foyer and immediately felt as if I was at home again. There were girls moving around all through the house, and I stopped to say hello and give a few quick hugs before making my way upstairs to my room.

My room was toward the back of the house which meant I had to walk through a maze lined with doors covered in decorative door decals that named the occupants in each room I passed.

I opened the door with two palm trees on the front reading Emily and Alex, effectively startling Alex who was currently standing on her bed securing pictures to her wall. Once she realized it was me she let out a squeal and jumped down to engulf me in a hug. The warmth and happiness that always seemed to radiate from Alex was comforting, it was something I missed.

"You're here!" She shouted right in my ear before pulling away from our hug.

"I'm here!" I mimicked her excitement.

"Where is all your stuff? Are your parents bringing it in now?"

"Oh yeah, mom is actually carrying everything up the stairs right now," I joked earning me an eye roll. "Lex, you know they couldn't be bothered, so I'm flying solo."

She gave me a sad smile, but she knew the drill, and quickly replaced it with an excited grin and clapped her hands together before saying, "Well then I guess we have our work cut out for us. Let's go get your shit!" That right there was why she was my best friend.

Before we could make it out of our room, I was trampled by two more girls. Once I had a chance to get my bearings again I realized that it was the other half of our little group, Chloe and Sophia.

"Hey guys, I missed you!" I said as I pulled away from them. They both returned the sentiment as Alex said, "Come on everyone, time to unpack Em's car."

We all headed downstairs and outside to begin, talking and catching up as we did. The four of us all joined the sorority last year as freshmen and have been basically inseparable ever since.

I originally hadn't come into college with the intentions of joining a sorority, but my mom insisted. She was a Kappa Kappa Beta when she was in college and wanted nothing less for me, but my mom and I were very different. Girls in that house were everything you think of when you think of a stereotypical sorority, with their fake tans, blonde hair (also fake in most instances), and fear of anything containing carbs, I stuck out like a sore thumb. But that was okay with me, I didn't feel comfortable around girls like that anyway. 

Honestly, after visiting that house during recruitment I kind of gave up hope that I would find a place I liked enough to join, not that I ever had a lot of hope to begin with seeing as this was my mom's idea, but then I went to Alpha Gam and it all felt different. The girls here don't look perfect all the time and they definitely aren't afraid to chow down on a burger, and I knew pretty quickly I could fit in here. We didn't party as often as the other houses, and honestly, our reputation on campus was just average. People didn't have anything overly great to say about us but also didn't have anything bad to say either, I think people forgot about us all together, but it was all fine with me. I found my best friends and a place to call home and that's all I could ask for.

I thought about it as I looked up at my new home while walking in my last trip of stuff. Maybe things would be different now that I was back at school and surrounded by people. At home, I was often alone, left to my own devices in a house that was meant for much more than one lonely nineteen year old and her nanny.

No one knew about the struggles that reappeared this summer, it wasn't too hard to hide. I easily plastered on a fake smile in my selfies by the pool or my group FaceTimes with the girls. And now that I was back I was hoping that the charade wouldn't need to continue because there would be nothing more for me to hide. But as of now, I was doing a fine job of keeping it all in, and no one suspected anything was wrong in my seemingly normal life. Maybe that is why no one questioned why I was wearing jeans that covered my legs all the way to the ankles under the hot August sun.