Toy Soldiers (Helford #1)

(29) Break

I snorted despite myself and couldn’t deny myself the wide smirk that battled its way onto my lips.

The girl’s eyes locked on Parker, still posed with the bottle rocket pointed at her in his hands, and her eyes narrowed even further, her eyes flashing. She started toward him slowly like a jungle cat and his eyes went wide as he helplessly watched her approach. I glanced over at Jonathon, having a hard time containing my laughter, and I lost it the moment I saw his shaking shoulders, his laugh so strong it was soundless.

The girl was willowy, tall, perfect, and such a typical Parisian girl that it made me laugh even harder. She had blonde hair that was straight from the roots to the ends and her nail were filled with glitter that reflected every time she rubbed the new knot on the back of her head, courtesy of my frozen friend. She was wearing the uniform complete with a pair of stiletto heels and bright pink lip gloss. As she walked, keeping her eyes on Parker, I was half expecting her head to explode with the heat.

By the look on Parker’s face, it was as if he had never seen a pissed off girl before.

“Hide me,” he whimpered without taking his eyes away the beauty stalking toward us, and that was when, for the first time in my life, I laughed so hard that tears started to roll down my face. Jonathon was watching me, a bright smile on his face, and I loved the way he looked at me. Like I was treasured.

I smiled back at him shyly and reached my hand out to take his, in my own world even as the Parisian girl began to scream insults at him in French, curse words flying as Parker stared at her in helpless horror. I was nowhere but in the middle of the ocean with Jonathon DuPont, looking nowhere but into his eyes and wishing that I knew what he thought, wishing that he knew what I did. I wished that he knew how many of these moments were limited to us, how they were counting down to the big ending, and I felt my heart start to sink even when I wanted nothing more but to smile, because he was looking at me, smiling at me.

I felt like the luckiest girl in the world, and not.

I looked into Jonathon’s eyes, but I was thinking about Rian’s kiss.

Before he could see a thing on my face, I looked away, back at Parker and the blonde girl and the explosion that was going on, him apologizing profusely as her eye twitched in annoyance, grinning at them as a distraction. I could feel Jonathon looking at me, wondering why I looked away, and I hated myself but I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t let him see that something was wrong because he would probably think that it was him.

I didn’t want him to suffer anymore than I knew he might anyway. The thought tortured me to the core.

Jonathon eventually looked away, back at his best friend as the blonde girl’s hand whipped out and she smacked Parker upside the head, barking a French insult at him before stalking away, through the snickering students of the cafeteria. Parker blinked and looked at us, stunned.

“What just happened?” he demanded, but then he burst out laughing, clutching his stomach. Jonathon and I echoed him heartily, but I think we both knew that something was wrong. I pretended as though I didn’t have any idea. As if this was just another day.

Parker looked up at me and shook his head, this small smile on his face.

“Did you learn anything, Caitie?” he asked me, staring me down.

I couldn’t help but to think he meant something so much more than a bottle rocket gone wrong. I couldn’t help but to wonder if he meant to ask if I had learned something about consequences.

~*~

The moment I walked through the door to the apartment, I caught sight of the very person I had been avoiding all day laying on the couch, looking bored as he watched a soccer game on the flat screen. His eyes snapped to me as the door swung shut and he sat up, all without moving his eyes from me as I stepped through the doorway, and I barely had time to relax my shoulders behind protective walls before he was gesturing me over, a smirk lifting up the corners of his lips.

I paused, letting my backpack drop from my slumped shoulder, watching as it landed and slumped against the wall, next to where my shoes were neatly lined up. I kicked off my small black flats before slowly walking toward him, cautiousness settling into my bones, because I still wasn’t sure where the events of last night left us.

When I was close enough, he reached out and grabbed my waist, and he easily tugged me forward, toward him. I stumbled and lost balance momentarily for long enough that he was able to pull me closer, making me land on his lap as his arms came up around me. I looked up at him, taken aback by the move, but all he did was smirk down at me, his eyes lit up with his own laughter.

My stomach knotted uncomfortably as he pulled me closer to his body, just holding me in his arms as he turned his attention back to the television, his hands running up and down my back as if he was just trying to unnerve me. I sat there and waited for him to look at me, waited for the moment that the commercials started to roll and he shifted in his seat, looking down at me with a smile that paralyzed me like the venom of a snake. It was a smile I never thought I would see on his face, a smile I didn’t think him to be capable of with all of the things that he had seen and been forced to do.

He smiled down at me like I made it all better. As if, with me around, he felt a little bit less of a monster.

It froze me to the core.

There were just some things, some expressions, some smiles, that are impossible to fake.

Rian leaned forward and pressed his lips against my temple, lingering there as his arms wrapped so tightly around me it was painful, relaxing only when he pulled his face away from mine, sighing. His breath smelled like mint. It made my stomach flip when I realized that was how close I was, that I knew the scent of even his breath. He looked into my eyes and smiled down at me so softly that I felt myself want to blush, because it made me feel like he could see through my outer walls and into my soul.

“As comfortable as this is,” he murmured softly, “you should probably be doing your homework or calling your fake boyfriend or something.”

I looked up at him, startled.

And maybe I was blind.

I was blinder than all of them thought.

Because I had kissed him back, and I didn’t know that would do something like this.

Rian was looking at me like this, saying words like that about Jonathon, because he thought he understood it all.

He called Jonathon the fake boyfriend because he couldn’t see that I cared about Jonathon.

He called Jonathon the fake boyfriend because he considered himself to be the real one.

And I felt sick. So, so sick.

I had kissed him back, and now we were here.

I couldn’t say anything. Couldn’t do anything. It was like walking on glass and, even though I knew the shards would cut through the vulnerable skin on the bottom of my feet, I was still walking gingerly over it, like if I walked softly it wouldn’t touch me.

I nodded without a word and let him kiss my temple again before his arms released me. I got to my feet and walked to my room, my feet cutting into those pieces of glass, the illusion shattered. I closed and locked my bedroom door behind me as I did every day, but this time felt different. I dropped my backpack to the ground unceremoniously and walked straight to my bed, not blinking.

I picked up a pillow and shoved it against my face in just enough time to scream.

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Team Rian? Team Jonathon? TEAM PARKER??? lol

Is this not the perfect song for this chapter?!?! I love Paradise Fears! You need to check them out!

x Riley